Plans if You Win the Lottery

You know how we all have a general idea what we would do with lottery winnings if we ever won?
That's a pretty normal thing to do - to dream about how much you could win and then imagine how those winnings would be allocated among family and friends and toys and savings... even if we didn't even buy a lotto ticket.

What no one tells you, is that everyone ALSO does that imagining with potential bad news, not just potential good news.

If you have ever had a medical issue where the prognosis was a big, daunting, question mark, then you know that your mind starts to go through every scenario. Or if you are being tested for something:
What would you do if you got this? What would you do if the tests came back positive? (And why do they call it a "positive" result when really it is a big fat negative?)

The waiting always seems to be the worst part. Waiting for test results. Waiting to see a specialist. Waiting for a surgery. Waiting to see a nurse or a doctor or to get an MRI or some other test. Waiting to find out if a medication is working. Waiting and puking and dealing with side effects or worrying and stressing and Google-ing... planning and preparing and stressing the hell out.

Just like imaginary lottery winnings, when you are sitting there waiting, you go through the possibilities in your head and the plans you make if it ends up being the worst news.
But then what happens when that news is good news??
Of course it is AMAZING and you are relieved and thrilled that the tests came back negative (which is positive), but you still feel traumatized. How does that work? And then when you tell people the good news - it is an immediate "congratulations" and then forgotten. Like it never happened. But sometimes you have just spent MONTHS worrying and planning for the potential worst. You just spent months distracting yourself because all you could think about, wonder about, research about, dream about, is what you are going to do if the test confirms the worst.
So when you get the good news, no one else remembers the time you spent waiting - utterly terrified - and for you it's this big black blot on your memory. An all-consuming hole of worry that everything else happening around that time fell into. It feels like you have lost that time. For no reason.

There isn't even a proper word I can find to call it. But whatever it's called (there probably is a term in another language for it), no one but you remembers it. No one but you (and maybe a few close friends or family members) can feel what it was like to be in limbo for months on end. So if someone mentions a camping trip, for instance, that you took while you were in this waiting period, even though you had an amazing time and you had fun and made some wonderful memories, there is still this shadow over it. But no one knows. No one remembers. Because it was good news and now no one even remembers that 'scare', except you. And we don't talk about it because at least it WAS good news. And we don't mention it because you feel guilty about worrying for nothing. Or for making a big deal out of absolutely nothing. But you are worse for wear from it ... and only you can fully understand it.

This post wasn't as light - oops.
But this kind of post reminds us how important it is to find things in life that we love and to pursue those things no matter what the 'results' are. If you thought you would immediately take a trip if the news was bad, then maybe start saving for that trip even though the news was good. Go through ideas of what you would do if you were given a time limit - and PLAN to do those things anyways, but remove the time crunch. Save and plan and hope and dream and find out what you really want to do. Then do it.
Just go out there and do it.