"Strength" Ring

Randomly today, I realized that it has been a long time since I have worn my stamped ring that says "STRENGTH" on it.
When I first bought it, I bought it as a sentiment; an affirmation to wear during difficult appointments or trips to the Emergency Room. It helps to remind me why I am there and what I am looking for. It reminds me to take a breath, even when I want to scream, and to say "thank you" when I would rather shake them and scream "JUST HELP ME!". It reminds me that even if I am alone in an appointment room that I do have support, that I can get through it, that I can get through anything.

I was wearing that ring when the first surgeon abruptly refused to perform the hysterectomy. I was wearing it in the pre-operative room before that very hysterectomy I eventually underwent in January 2017. I was wearing it when I went to the ER when I was vomiting nonstop and we had yet to figure out why. I was wearing it during physiotherapy appointments that had me bawling my eyes out and vomiting from pain. I was wearing it during every consultation with my hematologist.

Lately, however, I have not felt the need to wear that ring quite as much. Now that we have narrowed the recent diagnoses, now that we are trying some medications, and now that I am no longer fighting for a controversial surgery, I am much less nervous when going to appointments. Now I wear it more when I am on the phone with insurance companies, or the week RJ had to undergo surgery, when I have to go in for urgent treatment for HAE swelling episodes, or anything going on that is making me particularly anxious.

It is nice to feel less anxious in general and not to require that constant physical reminder to relax and stay strong.

Small progress. 