Body-Positivity

Body shaming.

We have seen it, we have heard it, we have done it.
I think an individual body-shames his/herself every single day at some point. Comments from others just adds to that pile.

Many of us think about what parts of our physicality we can improve, why we need to improve it, and we usually come up with several reasons why we haven't yet done so.
The 'healthy' way to go through this information is to decide what changes need to be made to feel better, to have more energy, to feel healthier, and to accomplish any physical goals a person has. Physical appearance *should* be a lower priority than the above examples.  It rarely is though.

For me personally, I think all the time about how getting in shape will help that one specific dress look better when I wear it. Or maybe my arms won't look so chunky when I don't wear sleeves or a sweater if I can just work them out more and get them toned.
Almost every day, in my mind, I go through all of the physical aspects of my body. This isn't from an obsession, but a daily routine for me. I am required to constantly keep tabs on the way my body responds to absolutely everything. Having an illness that causes swelling in my tissues forces me to consistently notice any size changes in my body. Suffering from arthritis forces me to look for signs of swelling around particular joints. I have to keep track of every part of my physical being at all times. It comes with the territory.

Adding to all of this, (and I know I am not the only one), I am always running through reasons or excuses why my body is the way it is. For example:

My chest is a little misshapen and swollen. This is due to hormonal imbalances, Prednisone, Lupron, the hysterectomy I had; essentially causing my chest to drastically go from a very small size to a large size and back in very short bursts of time.
My abdomen and thighs have stretch marks, some pitting, and swell on a consistent basis. This is again from Prednisone, swelling from HAE, sub-cutaneous injections, abdominal surgeries, and eating habits.
My skin is always broken out somewhere and is incredibly dry. This is from Psoriasis, an issue with bacterial skin infections, immune system issues, and constant inflammation flooding my system. Plus I love chocolate. Even though I react to it.
I have bags and dark circles under my eyes at all times. This is from major trouble sleeping from sleep apnea, insomnia, medication, hallucinations, bathroom breaks, and a hell of a lot of pain that disrupts my sleep on a regular basis. (Plus a lot of crying).
I have dandruff all. the. time. This is from Psoriasis. My scalp is riddled with Psoriasis rashes that flake off in massive disgusting chunks.
My teeth are brutal and require professional care every 3 months. They yellow much more easily and my teeth consistently develop cavities, regardless of the home care that I commit to. With the combination of medications, illness, and common vomiting fits, my teeth are bound to be a little messed up. (I also love sweets, tea, fruit, and all sorts of foods that are hard on teeth).

But here's the thing:
Who the hell cares???

Why do we 'prepare' our defenses for when our physical appearance comes into question? Why do we feel we have to defend 'why' we look a certain way? We should never have to feel that it is necessary to justify the way that our bodies look, especially not to anyone other than our physicians. If it is a health issue then it is different, but it's still no one else's concern.
So why do we continue to do this to ourselves and to each other.

So here is my own personal body-positivity explanation:

     My abdomen is still flat and muscular, even with swelling, because from the age 14 until I was 26, I managed to do at least 500 crunches every single day.
     I have thick thighs not just from illness and medications, but because I played volleyball for years. I was essentially doing squats for several hours 5 evenings a week.
     Sure my teeth have some issues, but I was blessed with decently straight teeth, and I manage to whiten them at home as much as I can handle.
     My chest might swell from illness and medications, but my chest swells! That's not always a bad thing! I only get a tiny little miniscule fraction of estrogen, through a pill, and I still have C cups. That's not a terrible problem to have.
     As difficult a decision as it was, the hysterectomy now allows me to forget about ever dealing with another menstrual cycle. Ever. No tampons or pads, no birth control pills. No massive hormonal rollercoaster to ride each and every month.

     So instead of asking ourselves why we still have a bit of a gut, or why my thighs are so thick that jeans never fit properly, instead of trying to come up with reasons and excuses to justify the differences in our appearance compared to the next woman, why not just try to ignore it??
     It feels as though these thoughts are embedded into our psyche. We can sit here and blame society all we want, but this is also a VERY personal issue that begins with our own thoughts, expectations, and priorities.
     We need to stop making excuses for what our bodies look like. We do have some control, and proper health is the goal, but someone who is perfectly healthy might have a little bit of fat around the belly. A perfectly healthy person may be cut and muscular and fit and strong and still have thicker arms than another.

     All we can do is try our best to take care of our bodies. Feed our bodies good food. Participate in exercise that is beneficial to our internal working organs. The size of our hips is not as important as how well our heart functions. Trying to lose weight to try and slim down our thighs is not as important as feeding ourselves food that helps our digestive system work properly. Focusing on the look and tone of our arm muscles is not worth allowing our stomachs to build up acid because there is nothing to digest. Why does it seem as though it has always been a much higher priority to fine-tune the way we look on the outside rather than (and usually at the expense of) how our body actually functions? Having an organ or an integral part of the physical structure of your body stop functioning properly is such a monumentally disabling situation (trust me, I know). So why do we worry FAR MORE about having a smaller waist? Being a little overweight or having thick thighs is not more important than keeping our internal organ system working as it should.

So next time you put on that dress that you love, instead of thinking 'this fit me better when I was a smaller size' or 'I would fill out the top of this better if only my chest was bigger' or 'my legs don't look as good in this as they did a few months ago', try switching the narrative around. Like: 'Wow, you can really see that hourglass curve now!' or 'this colour really brings out my eyes' or 'I have the perfect shoes for this dress. It's a knockout outfit' or, EVEN BETTER: 'I love the way I feel in this dress', 'this material always feels so luxurious', or 'I'm so glad that I feel healthy enough to put this dress on and go out for an evening'.

Despite all of the pinpointing to this culture of body shaming, the conversation has to start with the way we speak and think in our own minds - about ourselves.
It will never change otherwise.

(In hindsight, this post seemed more about trying to convince myself to improve the way I factor my priorities).
With that said, I hope that this discussion can reach other people who can relate.
Let's change the narrative.
One mind at a time.