Keep a Routine

I grew up knowing and believing that challenging oneself is the best way to promote growth. Challenge the physical, mental, and emotional boundaries of your existence and you will always feel productive.

Being without a job, facing limitations on food, on energy, on activity, and mildly with mobility, there is often a razor-thin line between challenging myself and pushing too far.
Before all of this extra illness, pushing too far usually meant a strained hamstring or sore muscles that prevented me from being able to climb a flight of stairs a couple of days later. Pushing too hard meant massive bruises from diving in volleyball, blisters on my palms from clutching a baseball bat, spraining an ankle, or cracking a rib... All injuries that would heal.
Now pushing too hard can mean a sudden unexpected trip to the emergency department, days of vomiting, days being stuck in bed. With so many chronic and autoimmune diseases, when I push myself, it needs to be in small doses and at a turtle's pace. Pushing too hard - going overboard - can even trigger a flare-up or essentially piss off my body so much that it winds up retaliating for months on end. Sometimes I won't recuperate for months, if at all.

So how do I push myself now? How do I keep a routine and keep strong?

Now I push myself by trying to have goals, but always listening to my body.
I have found that fresh air is something that I need every single day. So every single day I ensure that I spend at least a couple of minutes outside, even if it is just standing right outside the door waiting for Dex to finish his business.
I try and do a stretch or two once a day. On days when I have a little more energy, I do more.
Although I spend the overwhelming majority of the time at home and in the bedroom, I try and wear something different each day. I have several pieces of clothing that are specific for spending entire days at home and I usually cycle between those particular outfits, but I try not to wear the exact same pair of pajamas every day. If I spend too many afternoons in the same set of PJs, I immediately find that my mood is negatively affected.
Getting up, making the bed, and changing into an entirely different outfit helps uplift the atmosphere.

I want to push myself further. I want to try walking outside more. Weight-bearing exercises (simply bearing my own weight) are supposed to be the optimal activities for Ankylosing Spondylitis. So even though my instinct is to rest and lie down when I am in this much pain, I need to remind myself that I am supposed to walk and stretch as much as I can without flaring up my other illnesses.

So there is my first goal:
• Walk more. Stretch more. Keep getting fresh air.

I want to push myself further by actually getting dressed each day. Instead of cycling between some 8-odd outfits I wear to bed, I want to take a small step further by actually getting into an outfit for the day, regardless of the fact that I will be spending most of those days in bed anyways. I miss getting up each day, picking out an outfit, and following through on a beauty routine.

That's my second goal:
• Get myself in an outfit that is put together every day.

This next one is a goal I have already been working on lately with quite a bit of success. I want to make sure that I am writing something almost every day. Aside from days with mind-bending migraines, I expect myself to write a blog, or write in my journal, or work on learning or writing a new song, or a card, a letter, or quotes from the latest novel I am reading. Taking it even another step further would be to make sure that I have a reliable online presence.

Third goal:
• Write something each and every day.

Fourth goal:
• Maintain a persistent online presence.

Another goal I have been working has to do with cleaning my life up. Nothing drastic of course, but I am trying to minimize some of the chaos. I have purged my closet three times in the last four months. I continue to find clothing and material items that I no longer find joy with. I am working on letting go of items that I no longer need or use, updating certain parts of my style that are outdated, and slowly reducing the amount of stuff that sits there, unused, for no reason. Even today I finally decided to pack away several dresses that I have had since I was 11 years old. These items are 20 years old already! They are in great shape and they still fit me nearly perfectly, but I need to let go of some of these items. While I am working on this particular project, I may even try that hanger trick -> where once I have worn an article of clothing, I turn the hanger around. After a year's time, if a hanger hasn't been turned around, that article of clothing gets donated or chucked. This plan would also motivate me to follow through with my other goal of wearing an actual ensemble each day.

Fifth goal:
• Rid myself of excess stuff that I do not use.

I want to push myself physically and emotionally. I want to push my boundaries for walking distance, I want to make meditation a more regular activity, and I want to be out in nature more often. I want to take a drive out to the mountains even just to sit there for half an hour. I want to revel in the beauty of nature and appreciate my surroundings more. I want to see the stars and hear the birds and the rustling of trees in the middle of the week. I want to curl up in a sleeping bag in the back of a truck, listening to the sounds of the forest and enjoying a hot apple cider. I want to quiet my mind more often.

Goal six:
• Regular meditation and get back to nature.

Another major goal is that I want to get back to a routine of being more frugal - or putting my money towards more meaningful endeavors. Instead of buying that super cute dress I saw online, why not buy an extra board game instead? Instead of getting an appetizer before dinner, save that up for something functional for the house. Instead of giving in to my love for heels, remembering that I cannot even WEAR heels on a regular basis anymore and spend it, rather, on an evening out with RJ - going to a movie or maybe eventually going bowling or just to experience something together instead.

Goal seven:
• Make smarter decisions in regards to monetary expenses.

The next one is all about friendships. Taking the time to nourish friendships and to connect while being unplugged. Rely less on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and Snapchat for the latest news and updates about friends, and rely more on direct conversation. Genuine conversation.

Goal eight:
• Unplugged connections and cultivating true friendships.

The next major goal that I would like to accomplish, something that will help to better myself and to keep things in perspective, is to help others more and to be less selfish. There are small changes that I can make each day to be less indulgent and self-serving, so why not try and make those changes?

Goal nine:
• Help others more often and worry about myself a little less. Try and treat people better every day in some small way.

Number ten - very straightforward and predictable for me - is to make sure that I am continuing to be involved in music and maintain some level of athleticism even though I am stuck at home most days. I can listen to music if I can't play. I can watch sports if I can't step out onto the court. I can stretch on my yoga mat while I watch a game of volleyball. I can do squats in the living room with headphones in listening to the newest request. Do what I love - every single day.

Goal ten:
Do what I love every day.

Essentially I want to get out of my own head more and focus on everything around me, while continuing to work on my own health, my own trajectory of progress, and take in more experiences. I want to expand my knowledge, learn new talents, improve myself in every aspect that I can think of.

Do you know what the best part is?? None of these goals are so futuristic that I can easily forget them. They can be achieved here and now - and none of them should affect my health in any negative way. None of these goals or decisions are dependent upon me feeling better, getting better, or gaining more energy. I don't need to rely on the latest breakthrough medication or that hopeful procedure that could improve my pain levels in order to accomplish any one of these goals.