Embarrassing Moments

I have been mulling over whether or not to share stories like the one I am about to share.
Do I want this information out on the internet?
Do I really want to broadcast the disgusting symptoms of a common chronic illness?

Before I share this kind of funny story, I would like to point out that this symptom is very person-specific and not everyone who suffers from an Inflammatory Bowel Disease will ever experience this symptom. It is also not something that is permanent. For instance, I used to suffer these moments far more when I was in University, and then only a couple times a year until recently.

I would also like to point out that these moments are terrifying and embarrassing and always makes me feel ashamed, even though I have no control. It is not my fault, and it is difficult enough going through it, but I am even more terrified to share it - but I think that it should be shared. I think that bringing awareness to some of the toughest parts of these diseases is important to bring about better understanding and maybe even some empathy.

Alright, enough with the dramatic preamble.

Several weeks ago I received two Cortisone injections into my SI joints. Prior to these injections, I was instructed to stop taking medications that I rely on to keep the inflammation in my J-Pouch under control. I found out too late that I did not actually have to stop taking these medications. The damage had already been done.
Every once in a while (even on these medications), I can have a 'problem'. It usually happens overnight or while I am having a nap, but often requires my underwear to be thrown out and can even require the bedding to be washed immediately.
Yep.
It's exactly what you think.
Fecal incontinence.
There is specifically a mattress protector on the bed at all times, and there is always a package of adult diapers available in the closet.

When I was in grade school and in University, it happened more often. A lot more often. I always kept extra pairs of underwear - in my purse, in my backpack, in my locker, and even in hiding places in some of the more discreet bathroom stalls. Just in case. I also kept full changes of clothing for the really awful cases. Sometimes double - in case it happened more than once. (These days happened).
If you ever saw me napping and then saw me spring up abruptly and race to a washroom - that was likely an accident or an about-to-have-an-accident moment.
Did you know that I had to wear Depends underneath my grad dress?
Yeah.
That didn't feel great.
And the symptom cut short the dance with my dad, which was extra depressing.

Since this short two-week medication hiatus, this annoying little symptom has shown up again. I have already thrown out at least 5 pairs of underwear.

This past weekend, we had gone to the mall for a short while. I didn't do much, I walked a little bit with my cane, but rested the majority of the time.
I DID make one purchase though.
As we were driving home, I felt it. No real warning, nothing huge, no excess mess, but absolutely no control, and so quick. I asked Rj to pull over (rather quickly) into the nearest gas station.
We opened the trunk, where I took out a pair of the brand new underwear I just bought, threw out the underwear I was wearing and put on brand new underwear to drive home.
(Luckily I had decided to make this purchase!!!)

I was lucky.
It affected my underwear only.
We are not at the point yet of requiring to have a full change of clothing everywhere and in every vehicle. We are not at the point of requiring a portable toilet in the car.
I am, however, at the point of carrying extra underwear in my purse. From missing my medications for two weeks - several weeks ago. One miscommunication has brought up these symptoms that I thought were mostly in the past. In addition, these symptoms seem to slowly be getting worse, not better.

Fortunately, I have a scope scheduled for July, and will likely do some cortisone enemas to help reduce the inflammation.
I truly hope that I won't have to wear Depends underneath my wedding dress... but that is another reason I decided to forego the tight form-fitting dress and stick to a dress with crinoline underneath.

It is a damn good thing I decided to 'indulge' and buy myself some extra underwear. Turned out that I needed them even more than I expected.