What I Do For Me

I think there is a difference between what I do for me and what I do for my illness.
In some ways, there is no difference, like when I take medication that helps me feel better - that's both for me and my illness.
There are things I do for my physicians, for physical effects that I can't feel or don't notice, and then there are things I do that are just for me. 

In a previous post I talk about prophylactic and preventative medications, and how they can be difficult to keep up when I cannot even feel or see the benefits.
But I know they might help. And "might" is a good enough reason for me when it comes to illnesses like AMD which may eventually take away my sight.

So - for my illnesses and for my doctors - I take preventative medication, I go for monthly bloodwork at the bare minimum, and I keep track of everything.
I keep a medical 'journal' that includes everything from dietary changes to phone calls with health professionals and government programs. It holds information about pain and activity and vomiting fits and any symptom I think relevant.
For my illness I stay away from certain foods that consistently cause pain and further suffering.
For my injections I try not to lose too much weight and lost the fat on my abdomen so that my injections can be done more easily. For my illnesses I keep to a specific medication and injection schedule - with alarms and reminders and handwritten schedules.

Then there are things I do for myself.
Just for myself.
Sometimes it can be mutually beneficial - like when I take Decker for a short walk. It helps me psychologically, it is fun, and it helps keep my hips moving.
Other times it can be despite my illnesses - like being stubborn about going to a social function even though it will kill me for a few days.
Days that I go and sing are always for me. That's an activity I never plan on quitting. Yes - it often increases my pain. It does not, however, contribute to the progression of my illnesses. It also keeps me happier and sane during tough times of illness.

There always needs to be a balance.
Frankly, about 95% of my time is spent on appeasing my illnesses. This is also for my benefit, but it's not like I enjoy giving myself injections 3x/week. What I do enjoy is how those injections help make me feel better.
It's the little things around the house that make me feel like I am being productive that are often at the expense of how I'm feeling.
Trying to do a few loads of laundry or organizing all of our camping gear - those are homemaking activities that I was determined to finish, even on a day when I felt like a complete zombie - dead on my feet and in so much pain I can hardly think.
Going outside in the sunlight - pushing past the pain of a blinding migraine - to throw the ball for Dex -> that was for me. That was for my wellbeing.

The things I do for my illnesses are necessary, but not usually fun.
The things I do for fun are necessary, but are not usually beneficial for my illnesses.
That tiny little slot of things I do that are mutually beneficial for my quality of life AND my illnesses are the most important parts of my day.

Make sure to take care of ALL aspects of your health. I would never recommend putting your illnesses at risk of deterioration to do something you love to do, but sometimes allowing yourself a fun activity and knowing you will be bedridden for a day is essential to your own mental health. We need to be selfish and do things for ourselves sometimes instead of doing everything for the illnesses that have taken us hostage in our own bodies.