Stranger Than Fiction

If you have read my last post, you will remember that I have been dealing with a brand new (and life-disrupting) symptom - with a side of the absurd. 

Since Thursday night, just before 9pm, I have been BURPING, nonstop, during my waking hours. 

I mean nonstop. 

My husband even began counting the seconds between burps. During the worst moments, it is every 5-7 seconds. During my best moments, I may have a minute between burps (the moment I wake up or right after a series of deep, long, gastric belches, or after going to the washroom). 

Most of the time I burp every 10 seconds. 

If I DO manage to suppress the burping (because it is exhausting), or when I am asleep, you can audibly hear the rumbles from the air building up in my stomach/intestines instead of being released by the burps. What makes it worse is that burping doesn't relieve the pain, it just ensures that my insides don't explode from the constant air being forced into my digestive tract. (I don't know if that could actually happen, but I wouldn't put it past my strange body). 

So, at this point, my body has been producing an inordinate (and disturbing) amount of gas for 112 hours thus far. 

Not to mention that this is on top of a relatively common Crohn's flare that began just over 3 weeks ago.  

Without going into too much *tmi* kind of detail, my current flare has included: 

16x/day bathroom breaks, blood, abdominal pain, exhaustion, some nausea, urgency, near misses, skin issues, weakness, and necessary diet changes. 

With any Crohn's flare-up, I have had to reduce what I eat. 

For the past 3 weeks, I have reduced my diet to soft foods and full fluids. After 2-3 days of mostly fluids, I would attempt some solid food, then revert back to fluids when it didn't work. This back-and-forth dietary experiment will go on until solid food actually gets absorbed and doesn't cause horrid pain. 

The burping has not improved the food situation. It is possible that there is some sort of blockage happening, but I won't know for at least a few more days. 

I spoke with the nurse at my Gastrointestinal Specialist's office about the incessant burping, the flare-up, and my visit to Urgent Care. She relayed that information to my GI and I have been booked for a scope on Thursday to see if we can find out what is going on. 

So here's the fun part: 

Left without any actual answers, I spend much of my resting time trying to describe how this feels and coming up with ridiculous reasons why I am burping constantly. Some of these are actual potential issues, while others are just for 'fun'. Let me know what your favourite explanation is:

1. A SodaStream has been placed in my abdomen - forcing bubbles to build up in my system constantly. 

2. A fistula has opened between my trachea and my esophagus, so every breath I take sends air into my digestive tract. 

3. There is a mini volcano in my stomach spewing a forceful pyroclastic cloud throughout my system. 

4. A chemical reaction between soda pop and mentos is replicated by the chemicals within my stomach. 

5. There is a blockage in my intestines that is squeezing air back up (and some past) the blockage. 

6. There is some super-mutant bacterial infection that has made a home in my intestine that is spewing bubbles every moment of the day. 

7. My body has decided to become its own floatation device - and that requires lots and lots of air. Whenever I burp, it is seen as a leak, so my body reproduces that air. 

8. My body reeeeeeeeeally wants to be featured on an episode of House, Simpsons, Seinfeld, Family Guy, etc... so it keeps coming up with stranger-than-fiction type symptoms so that I can sell the rights to the stories. Hiccupping nonstop has been done, but has burping?! (P.S. if this turns into an episode after this post, I better be involved). 

9. I have some sort of gastric ulcer or gastritis that is somehow speedily creating air pockets. 

10. This is simply a new flare-up symptom. 

Any other strange ideas or funny visualizations are more than welcome. Comment with your favourites. 

I will keep you updated as this saga continues. 

This is also one of those situations when 'finding nothing' would not necessarily be good news. So, as usual, I am hoping for *something* to be found, but that it is non-life-threatening and relatively easily fixed. 

Burping every few seconds going on 5 days straight. 

2 more days before potential answers. 

Stay tuned!