There are a bunch of old binders that I need to go through and reorganize (and find storage room for). Those kinds of binders are always kind of cool to go through.
I was a super busy kid.
The first binder I looked through had a TON of different accomplishments. There were newspaper articles about singing, about volleyball tournaments and records for track and field, summer camps, free-throw tournaments, singing competitions, piano competitions, dance competitions.... Then there were scores for first- and second-place certificates, certificates from Provincial competitions with singing, and for badminton. There were several pages of scholarships, all the levels achieved with piano, and also swimming. School transcripts and applications & accepted awards for academic scholarships. My full name in the papers for being a stand-out in volleyball tournaments, or for singing at a hockey game or other big events. Big awards for academic achievements, athletic achievements, musical achievements, theater achievements.
Yes, I know what that all sounds like. It's vain. Pure vanity. Looking back and admiring all of the avenues I could have taken - all of the doors that were wide open. Really loving the fact that I had many different interests, many different loves in my life.
That first binder was very cool.
Until the last page. Not because it was particularly bad - in fact the news article was really nice. A full page spread about me. But it was about me being sick - having to pivot in every part of my life. Changing my focus. Still in the news....
The following ten binders were all about illness. Food diaries, pain diaries, bathroom diaries... Dietary restrictions, procedures, tests, physicians, appointments... Medication information leaflets, information about hospital stays.
It was bittersweet to read through all of those accomplishments, ones that still feel major to me, and then just an abrupt halt. I wouldn't be in the paper anymore for making it to provincials with the track team for several events. I wouldn't be getting that scholarship to the top university of my choice to play volleyball. Even aspirations for singing would take a back seat, because the major focus of my life had been forced to shift. I was still busy, and I was still in the papers, but for very different reasons and different achievements: like being on a youth council at the Children's Hospital, for instance. All of that high energy, all of that busy life, now all went to trying to take care of a body that was attacking itself, for no rhyme or reason.
All those old doors. All those loves. Not gone, but a little diminished.
Now, of course, here is where I remind everyone that I am ridiculously happy - because I am. I have a lot of new loves and a lot of new goals and aspirations.
I just felt I would share how it all came flooding back.
In that first medical article that I came across today, it was shortly after having had my large intestine removed. It was that sweet spot of about 3 months where I was considered to be 'disease-free'. It even says that in the article! Before the whole rest of it. The article mentions how much fatigue I still felt and that my immune system was low, but that I was disease-free.
For 3 months. For 3 months I thought I could get back to everything the way it was. All the activities and competitions and athletics. And I did do some! I did as much as I possibly could.
:)
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