Being off of work can cause a lot of personal turmoil.
When I first went off of work, it wasn't even my idea. Things had gotten so complicated, so completely chalk full of doctor's appointments, and just plain bad - so it was suggested to take medical leave and try and figure things out. From there it actually spiraled downward - not because I was off of work - simply more symptoms and more complications arose and my health became worse and worse.
Even this past week has been a horrible struggle.
There are SO many emotions that occurred when I had to stop working.
All of a sudden I felt like I had completely failed. I was frustrated that I had to leave work at such a young age and that I may never be able to work again. I felt as though I had let the diseases win; I had let them control my life. I felt powerless, useless, inadequate, frustrated, and judged.
With that said, I have mentioned in previous posts, that I have been able to participate with singing and music as well as being a part of two photo shoots within the past 4 months or so.
Not only is this incredibly cool... I get to be around amazing people, I get to meet new people in a completely new setting, I got to learn an entirely new set of skills, but it also feels like an accomplishment.
For the first time in almost three years, I actually felt like I was at least making some sort of contribution. Of course it didn't last very long; it's not as though my body can handle a full day of anything, and I usually need at LEAST a week of recuperation afterwards - but I actually get to show people that I, in fact, DO have a strong work ethic, AND there is a finished product that comes out of it to simply put in a portfolio - if nothing else than to simply be able to say "yes, that's me, I did that!"