Growing Up

I believe that one of the most profound elements of growing up is realizing just how ridiculous the beliefs and judgements were that we held as young people.  

I will gladly raise my hand and say that many things that I believed, said, and thought were idiotic, embarrassing, and potentially damaging. At times it even keeps me up at night, contemplating whether or not I may have done harm to others because of things I may have said. Especially as a teenager. It is encouraging, though, to be able to look back at some of the thoughts I had when I was younger and know that I no longer believe those things; to know that I have moved on and grown up. 

Now with all of that said, I assume that people I went to school with have also outgrown some of their own thoughts, but I occasionally wonder about particular individuals. 

I was 14 when I became very ill. 

At that time, several people (mostly classmates and even some of their parents), kept saying that it wasn't a big deal. It was minimized to an alarming degree. 

Now, some of those classmates have teenagers of their own, and it makes me wonder whether or not there has ever been a lightbulb moment of empathy or understanding that they just did not have the capacity to reach before. 

To see a 14 year old go through dozens of colonoscopies, hundreds of medical tests, be on severe medications like Prednisone, and just endure the symptoms that come with an illness like Ulcerative Colitis (later, Crohn's), might be tough to imagine. 

(I've still never understood how a father of a 17 year old could say to the parents of another 17 year old that the surgical removal of the large intestine and having an ileostomy bag was 'not that big of a deal'...And no, it was not done laparoscopically, not that that should have mattered). 

Most adults would be devastated to have to go on a medication like Prednisone for short stints, let alone longer terms, and the thought of even removing an appendix is a major surgery for most people. But I digress. 

So I wonder, now, whether or not those same classmates (and their parents) ever think about the beliefs they held, and whether or not they've outgrown them. And did they outgrow those beliefs before having children of their own, or did the epiphany come with raising teenagers and realizing how different life would be with a sick child? 

I hold out hope that we have all outgrown embarrassing beliefs, that we have all learned compassion and empathy along the way, and that we have grown into some understanding without the suffering. 

I know I will continue to outgrow beliefs and feelings and I will continue to learn as I go. I just hope to do little damage and to apply understanding as much as possible. Maybe we all get just a little bit better at empathy as we grow older.