This is just a general and random 'wondering'.
Which one of these makes you feel worse?
A) No Support
Or
B) Fake Support
Would you prefer to have someone outright blatantly admit or show that they are not supportive, or someone who seems to be supportive, tells you that he/she is supportive, and then turns around and tells other people the opposite?
Would you prefer to know that you cannot count on someone versus thinking you can count on someone and then be 'betrayed' in a sense??
I can understand how it happens. Most people understand that offering a supportive ear is important, even if you don't agree with them. Everyone has bad days and everybody struggles, so why not just smile and nod sometimes, even if you aren't in agreement?
There are different kinds of 'fake support'.
There are the passive listeners who endure the venting and the complaints and the story-telling, without verbally agreeing or disagreeing. They don't let you know either way whether or not they support you. Most of the time, I do not think these people are malicious or deliberately trying to deceive you, but rather they would prefer not to take a stance because of fear of conflict.
There are the active listeners - these people verbally agree with you and tell you how much you are justified in your thinking and behaviour. They actively lead you to believe that they are completely in your corner - that you can confide in them and trust them - when they actually disagree with you, in their minds, while you are speaking.
Then there are the gossipers. The fake supportive gossipers. They employ similar techniques as the active listeners, but then they also turn around and voice their disapproval to others, behind your back. They pretend to be supportive in order for you to open up and they twist it to peddle it as 'juicy information'. Your illness, your pain, your struggle, can become a mockery very quickly.
The problem with fake support of the malicious kind is that it can swiftly undermine your entire experience. It can plant seeds of doubt in those closest to you, and before you know it, people you thought you could trust are now doubting each and every thing you say.
We see this kind of thing happen daily in reality tv shows, in grade schools, in Hollywood, but especially online. Constant judgement and questioning.
What's even worse is that the judgement and questioning first stems from people misrepresenting their struggles (like those who fake having Cancer to set up fraudulent GoFundMe pages).
For me, I would much rather someone passively be a non-supporter. Someone who doesn't agree with me or possibly doesn't care at all about my medical situation, but who also does not go out of his/her way to discredit me or undermine my experience.
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