Dreams Come True

You know, I think that in one way or another, each person's dreams do come true. Often it is not the way in which we expect. Sometimes it isn't actually what we thought we wanted... but there is happiness in every situation. We just have to look more closely to see it sometimes.

I always valued my independence. I always wanted to know how to do things on my own, but my biggest dreams were:

1. Find a kind man who I would share the rest of my life with - hopefully by age 24 so we could have kids. (Baha lil late).
2. Travel - especially to Europe. (Paris, Venice, see Vivaldi's church, etc...)
3. Get a post-secondary education and USE my post-secondary education credentials.
4. Play volleyball competitively for as long as possible.
5. Make some kind of name for myself musically.

Each of these dreams ended up being encapsulated by some pretty significant health issues - but those issues became a catalyst for some of these dreams.

Sure I wanted to travel and live abroad for years... but health only allowed for a certain amount of travel. I still made it to the countries I so desperately wanted ro visit, I gained some incredible life experience, and those trips increased my confidence ten-fold -> confidence in myself, confidence in being independent, confidence in who I was and where I was going and what I wanted out of life.

Sure I hoped to play volleyball at the highest competitive levels... but my health (and height, and skill levels) all combined to jeopardize my chances. But this also encouraged me to join recreational leagues. They were still competitive, just not on the world stage that I craved. Doing it this way instead helped me become a better player, a more versatile player, built up my confidence, kept me active (by playing on 13 teams), and helped me meet some absolutely incredible people that will always remain friends despite now seeing them so rarely.

Sure I was hoping to do a Master's in Psychology, a Master's in English, and a Master's in Music, plus a Doctorate in the former two. It took me an extra 6 months to complete my undergraduate, and without enough medical coverage, I could not afford to be a career student, and I could not be a professor without further education. That circumstance brought me to the city I now live in. I got incredible work experience and, again, ended up in a situation that I did not plan for, but which gave me terrific experience and also helped me be, again, more versatile. Not only that, but this set of circumstances led me to become more involved in music than I ever thought possible. I dove into new opportunities that seemed impossible to begin with - and yet came out the other side with a new set of skills I never thought I was capable of learning. In fact, even though I cannot actually work, I have probably utilized my degree more effectively than most students who have a degree in the arts. I finished my undergrad AND I am using that education every day in my own home.

Sure I wanted to make it as an animated Disney Princess, or be a cocktail singer at some posh martini bar, or sing on a cruise ship, or be a backup vocalist for some hotshot musical mogul, or even become a mogul myself, but that has yet to occur. When I went traveling, I DID, however, perform on a cruise ship. For the past several years I HAVE sung for some incredibly fancy fundraising events, I have performed on stages and been a backup vocalist and accompanist to some other singers with killer vocal talent, and my youtube channel views increase every single day.

Now for the big one.
The monumental dream.
The dream to meet that one man; that one person with whom I share everything. The guy who makes me weak in the knees and knows exactly how to make me smile. That kind, generous, and genuinely wonderful guy who I fell in love with, who proposed in one of the most romantic locations I have ever been.
Sure it took me until age 28 to find him. Sure I will not have those kids I wanted - especially the daughter I have thought about so endlessly. My health and the prognosis of future health issues have changed that direction. But I am unbelievably happy. I have an adorable puppy who I love to bits, my relationship with RJ is exactly the kind of relationship I had always dreamed of, and my quality of life at home is tremendous despite all of the complications. I love our boring life. Spending days at home with our pup, having movie nights in and board game nights and playing cards and eating meals together. These are all wonderful things. So if I can ignore the fact that every day is tarnished just a little bit with pain and medication and unfortunate health complications, then it seems downright beautiful.

So sure, my health isn't great. It could always be worse, and I am lucky in many ways, but let's be real here: it would be nicer to suffer less pain and deal with fewer medications.

My dreams have come true all the same - they are just wrapped unexpectedly.

I would never go back and undo the direction in which my life has gone. WITH illness.