One of the biggest struggles is having to give up the things that you love. Adaptation is key to surviving in the world of chronic pain. Taking what you are doing and changing it to the changing needs of your body.
I can't say how many times I have had to do this - modify activities, change what I put my energy into and how to do it in the most effective manner. This is very much a life skill and although I have had to get pretty good at it, I am certainly no master at it.
Last year was the toughest year for me in this respect - having to give up volleyball and realizing that I may never work again were the two biggest changes that I had to come to terms with.
One thing to remember is that giving up something that you love doing is a loss. It is not as tragic as losing someone, but every single time it feels like I lose a part of myself. It is a loss and I have to make sure that I grieve properly.
It is coming to that time again where I am having to make some tough decisions. I am not giving things up completely, but I have to find new ways to channel my energy and my talents.
The first decision this week was to quit softball... And I plan to channel that energy into more yoga, maybe look into the art of meditation.
I will have to put my gym membership on hold or cancel it entirely. Again - that energy will go into the above.
But worst of all, I am going to have to take a step back from my singing. This is huge for me. Singing has always been my go-to, but I am uncertain whether I will be able to continue stage performances.
Now I plan on channeling my talent back to smaller, shorter, gigs. Gigs that don't use up all of my energy and completely wear me down. I also plan on raising some money and booking some studio time, as well as offer my time as a studio musician and do harmonies behind the scenes. I LOVE being on stage. I LOVE performing and giving it everything I've got - but doing that seems to be problematic for my health, at least right now.
Why can't I jump to being a seasoned performer so I can just show up at huge venues and be 'featured' for one or two songs? Overnight success? - I'd take it!!! Hell I'd take being a one-hit wonder! Haha.
Having to adapt and having to channel my talents and my passions into different avenues is tough - but it also helps me in every other part of my life. It is also the reason why I have always been so disappointed when people have not been able to come watch.
Everyone has their own lives and I am guilty of this too. We don't always realize how important an activity or a passion is to someone.
Unfortunately for me:
There are people in my life who never got to see me play volleyball.
There are people who could never come and watch me play any sport....
There are people who have never seen me perform on stage.
There are MANY people who never saw me perform Rock music on stage - which was a huge leap out of my comfort zone and a major accomplishment.
There are people who never saw me play softball.
Now of course, this might all seem pretty trivial, but for me these are the activities that made me who I am. These are things that are not only important to me, they reflected everything I have ever lived for. And, because of my health, I may never be able to do these things again. Realistically, volleyball is out for good. Softball may be out for good. I may never be able to do another three hour rock show in my life - and what a shame that I couldn't share that. With that said, those people who I have been able to share all of these things with have been so amazing and so supportive that I could not tell you how much it meant to me. I also need to make sure to support the people in my life - and take a step back to realize what is truly important to them and how I can show my support without risking my own health in the process.
Sometimes we forget that what we love doing might be taken away in the blink of an eye. I wish I could have shared these accomplishments with more people before I had to make such tough decisions and modify every single thing that I do.
I have lost huge parts of myself in this journey. The light at the end of the tunnel is that I get to focus my energy on NEW activities, new goals, new ways of using my passions and my talents. Channeling and adaptation can make a world of difference in coping. :)