My life is a constant rollercoaster.
There are ups and downs, sometimes they last longer than others, and sometimes my entire world gets turned upside-down.
Right now I am very much in a state of limbo.
I KNOW exactly how I'm feeling, but no one can figure out why. No one knows if this is a new chronic and permanent problem, or if it's something that can be controlled or even fixed with medication, a diet change, physical rehabilitation, etc.
This means that my entire life feels like it's in limbo.
Here is what I DON'T know:
- I don't know if I will ever be able to take care of a family. I don't know if raising kids is in the cards for me.
- I don't know if I will ever be able to travel again.
- I don't know from one day to the next if I am going to have a good day or a bad day - and if it's a bad day, I have no idea if it's something pre-existing or if it's something new.
- I don't know if I will be able to get back to any activities that I enjoy or if I'll be able to continue the few that I can enjoy right now.
But here is what I DO know:
- I am a damn good puppy mom and IF I decide that adopting kids is a feasible life plan, then I will make SURE that I am a great mother - even if I have to hire help.
- I love traveling - so even though I physically can't right at this moment, the moment I feel better, the moment I feel strong enough, I will (at the very least) take a road trip somewhere.
- No matter if it is a good day or a bad day, there are activities and people in my life that are there to make sure that my quality of life still continues to be great. I have backup plans for everything. And I am always pretty happy with my life - despite the struggles and frustrations.
- I love being active. It doesn't matter what I am doing, I will find an activity that suits what my body needs.
But here's the kicker with everything.
I am happy! I make sure that my dog has a privileged and (lots of times) spoiled life. I give my whole heart to people in my life. AND because it's always a rollercoaster, I ensure to be grateful and to appreciate the littler things because I know what it feels like to be able to do something one day and then have to come to terms with never being able to do it again the next day.
No, my life is not perfect. My life is not predictable. But I promise that no matter what challenges I face, I will FIGURE OUT a way to smile and get through it while still maintaining a good quality of life.
I am in limbo.
I have no idea what my future holds.
But I do know that I will be happy. No matter what.
How many people can say that?