Slowing Down

One thing I used to say, and a phrase I hear often from many individuals with chronic illness, is "I don't let my illness slow me down". 

People say it because it brings a sense of determination and resilience, but it's not really realistic is it? 

I mean, we push and push and push, and maybe we don't let it steer us entirely away from our goals and aspirations, but no matter who you are, if you have active disease, it's bound to slow you down. 

Maybe with all of that pushing, it pushes you right into the ER when a flare-up becomes unmanageable. Or maybe you crash and have to take a week off from work, or even a day or two. In that sense, illness definitely slows us down, no matter how hard we fight against it. 

In truth, I have no more true control over my body than I do the weather. 

The disease is going to do its thing. Yes I can put mitigation measures in place, I can make educated predictions on future forecasting and give myself reasonable protections, but the disease is a pathological part of me that isn't fully understood, so how could I ever hope to achieve true control?

The other problematic side to the 'not letting it slow me down' coin is the inherent negative attribute: does that mean that I am a failure if I have let my disease slow me down? 

The answer is an emphatic NO. 

Slowing down due to illness is not a personality flaw or a failure in determination. Your resilience is not based on how you "allow" a disease to affect you (like you could control that anyways). Your resilience is based on facing each day knowing that your mere existence is painful. Your resilience is finding happiness regardless of the disease that is ravaging your body. 

Just the rebellious act of having and working towards goals as well as finding joy is, in truth, resilience and a quantifiable measure of success, in my opinion. 

I am successful, not because I 'didn't let my illness slow me down', but because I keep going despite the inevitability of being slowed down, having my direction changed, or even being roadblocked by illnesses that I cannot control. 

If you have chronic illness, sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment worthy of applause. Never forget that.