This test tomorrow has obviously got me more nervous than I was letting on.
Maybe it's because I have been waiting for it for months. It is also the last diagnostic test (in a whole list of them) that my Internist ordered... And once the results are back from this one, I should have an opportunity to sit with another internist and really go through all of my results in detail. I am also feeling extremely unwell.... I know exactly why, but it doesn't help me to feel better. I am unable to drink tea or anything because I have to fast before the test. I am also a little nervous because it's quite a drive to this hospital... And it's at a bad time of the morning. I'm also terrified that I'll sleep in and miss it .... Ugh!!
Anyways, so I was thinking tonight about what I could write and maybe a song that I could put up and I thought - why not the song from Frozen - "Let it Go"???
When I was younger and in grade school I was totally obsessed with being the good girl, the good student, the good athlete... I was well behaved and I tried to follow all of the rules I possibly could. I am still somewhat like that today... But I have also really had to adjust.
A lot of the decisions that I have had to make over the last 14 years have actually been made for me. A lot of large life changes were made because of what my health presented me with.
One reason why I think I have been able to cope relatively well is by 'letting things go'.
I had to let go of the notion that I had to be perfect at everything I did. I had to let go of some VERSIONS of dreams (never dreams in their entirety).
I had to let go of feeling embarrassed, feeling judged (which can still be tough), being stared at, being questioned... I had to let go of what people said about me when I couldn't go and 'party' like the rest of my peers, I had to let go of the idea of getting my childhood back... I absolutely had to let go of inhibitions, of fears, of concerns, and just live my life.
I had to let go of 'friends', of activities, and I had to wake up and realize that I will never please everyone... And to focus on the people who mean the world to me and who are genuinely kind people.
I also had to let go of trying to control all of my own emotions. Just let go and feel whatever it is that I am feeling. Live in the moment and just BE!
So - this song I think can be iconic in many ways. :)
Just let it go :)