Goodie Goodie

I've never been much of a rebel... I have always been inherently a rule follower. I take instructions, rules, and laws very seriously and I sometimes even get some anxiety when I bend rules. 

I was a total goodie-two-shoes in grade school, and it only got worse after I got sick. I have always been a huge believer in karma... And I know that I will never understand why I got sick in the first place (other than scientifically). 

Once I got sick, doing anything risky or being a rebel just seemed utterly idiotic. I mean, every illness that I have, every source of pain, every hospital visit, all of this illness is 100% through NO fault of my own. I didn't do this to myself.  So why would I do things that I am not supposed to? That's just inviting bad karma. 

I mean if I am already this sick... Then doing anything that I am not supposed to might just come back to bite me and make me MORE sick. 

I know that that particular thought process is a little archaic, but because none of this is my fault, I have just always felt that there would be no reason to do things that I KNOW could make me sick in other ways. No smoking, no drugs, I do my best to follow rules and laws and not do anything that's risky and/or life threatening, even the high adrenaline activities have always been in relatively controlled settings, no tattoos, no obscene piercings (for liver health reasons), I do what my doctors and health professionals tell me to do, I try and live a life that is relatively straight and narrow... Why? Because I don't want to ever feel like I did something to deserve to be in this much pain. Because I still believe that because I didn't DO anything that could have made me this sick, that something amazing must be on the way for me. I must be meant for something really special. 

So when I mention something that I am actually really excited for - maybe you will understand it better knowing me a little better. 

I have these two scheduled procedures: one next week and one in October. Then I am pretty much caught up on all sorts of diagnostic tests and procedures. So, as long as all goes well in October, I am planning on getting a third piercing in each of my ears. 

I know - it sounds almost pathetic - but I am actually really excited about it. My liver is fine for now, and it would mean that I have a 3 month break from procedures that I can keep the studs in to heal! It's kind of like a milestone. I can't/won't get tattooed because of the risks, and I don't think other body piercings are a good idea, so my ears are kind of all I've got. It's a nice thing to do every so often to celebrate good liver bloodwork and a bigger break from hospital visits and diagnostic testing! 

So when I am not out drinking myself into oblivion, or when I am an annoyingly stickler for rules, or when I don't participate in some social activities that may seem fun but are dangerous, or when I seem to be too worried about doing things properly, it is because I am already sick - I do not need to be abusing my body and making things worse for myself. 

Am I a goodie-goodie? You bet I am.