Too Many Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder why I am more relaxed when I have someone that I truly trust around. 

I think, along with feeling protected, that it might also be because it allows me to let go of all sorts of thought processes. 

For instance - I am always thinking of what would happen in an emergency situation (like my throat swelling up or starting a vomiting fit while I am out). 

I always think about where my EpiPen is, where all of my medical info is, where my phone is and if it is charged... I try to bring my phone with me to the washroom is uncomfortable situations just in case I get sick and have to call an ambulance from there. I always have a plan for if I get sick at home - what to do first. Call an ambulance. Get Decker into his kennel. Unlock the front door (if I can). Make sure I am wearing SOMETHING. Can they get a gurney or a wheelchair in? Which vein could they use for an IV if they need to? What medications have I taken today? What have I eaten today? I need to message someone to take care of Dex if I am stuck in Emergency. I need someone to get a hold of my brother and my parents. 

I almost always have a set amount of clothing in my head ready to pack. I always have glasses and contacts and am overnight toiletry bag ready to go just in case. 

That's a lot to think about on a constant basis... 

But when I am with family, with friends that I trust, when I am in a good relationship, all of that kind of melts away. It's still there - in fact I start to think about where extra chargers are to let them know, or where they need to look for certain items, or getting into my car to get my handicap placard.... BUT ... When I know that I am with someone who will take care of me, who is smart enough to know what needs to be done, it's almost as if I don't have to be so 'on' all the time. 

Because I am not alone taking care of myself, I can let some of those thoughts fade to the background and I can enjoy my surroundings more. I can allow myself to let someone else worry... Because I know that if I were to get sick, I will be taken care of. It's not ME who would HAVE to figure everything out. 

It is so nice to be able to relax and enjoy my life just that little bit more. And it feels pretty damn amazing to have people around me that care enough that I can really feel it. 

Great feeling. :)