Nerves

Oh man - can't sleep. 

I've got my big appointment in the morning and, of course, I'm so nervous that I haven't managed to sleep much at all yet. 

I was watching a movie with my dad tonight and could barely keep my eyes open... But the moment I started to get ready for bed and started to think of everything that I needed to have ready for tomorrow - BAM! Wide awake. 

I mean this week I was hoping to get out of town for a day or two... But all I could think of is: 

- 'what if it snows and then I can't get back to Calgary in time for my appointment?'

- 'what if I get into an accident and miss my appointment?' 

- 'what if I sleep in or get stuck or hit too much rush hour that I am late and end up having to reschedule this appointment?' 

This appointment is so important that I was literally afraid to even leave the house because I don't want ANYTHING to happen that could jeopardize this appointment. 

So then I had to get all of my paperwork in order. I needed to make sure that I had all of my questions written out and with my medical book to bring with me. Then I needed to make sure that I had my documentation of each swelling and vomiting incident for the past four years ready to go. Then I had to make sure that I have all of my research ready to take with me - all of the peer reviewed journal articles and clinical research papers (properly highlighted, underlined, starred, and explained in footnotes) - photocopied so that he will have his own copy, then of course make sure that the pictures of a few angioedemic episodes are all printed off and ready to hand in as well.... 

Seriously it feels like I am preparing for an actual test.

Then I received a call from the office, and when she says she's calling from Internal Medicine, I KNOW in my head that she is simply calling to confirm the appointment, but my stomach drops until she says so - thinking the worst (that it is canceled or postponed or he isn't in town etc...) 

And even with all of that prepared. With all of it written down. With three alarms set along with my dad staying here to ensure that I arrive at the appointment on time, I still cannot manage to sleep because I am so nervous. 

Maybe all of these nerves will trigger an episode and he'll actually SEE it in person and simply make the decision on the diagnosis right then and there. 

You never know. 

Thank goodness for phone games, books, and Netflix. At least, if I can't sleep, I will at least be entertained. There is literally nothing more that I can do for the morning in regards to the appointment. 

I will try and sleep... But otherwise, happy Netflix watching! 

:) 

Nerves. 

They suck sometimes.