I don't get out all that much anymore.
A 'night out' for me is incredibly daunting. If I go out, I want to wear a pair of my gorgeous heels and a beautiful dress and get all dolled up. Then there is the question of sitting - how will the seats be? How stiff are my hips going to get and within how long?
And then there's the question of stairs. I can do them much better than several months ago, but they still scare me. And what about dancing? Am I going to be able to get up and dance or am I going to have to sit back and watch others dance and wish I felt well enough to do the same?
Then, of course, should I drink? If I decide to have a couple drinks, I need to forego pain medication that day so that I don't have any dangerous interactions. I can have an absolutely great time without having a drink, don't get me wrong, but it is nice to be able to once in a while.
This weekend I was determined to go and have a night out. Try and pretend that everything is fine - wear heels and have martinis in a dress and ignore the stairs and ignore the pain and get my adrenaline up high enough to just act like a completely normal and healthy person.
I have to say - I had a wonderful time. I avoided the stairs as much as I could by sitting in a location where the bar was near the bathroom. It also helped me avoid watching other people dancing. I had great conversations and a few drinks. I hadn't done something like this in at least a year, and haven't been able to have drinks like that in about 3.
Luckily I only had a small swelling reaction in my legs from the excitement, and I paced myself and had lots of food and water throughout the night.
I was surrounded by great people and a great live band and I was finally able to just be me - out and about - in gold sparkly heels.
The aftermath wasn't horrible - I wasn't vomiting all day or anything - but I an far beyond exhausted, my hips feel like there is a sword running through them, and I feel like I swallowed a bunch of razor blades.
BUT
A long as it only happens once a year or so... I am happy I pushed myself to just have a normal night out.
Sometimes it pays to just ignore everything and pretend to be normal.