Every year, right before New Year's Eve, I always contemplate a plan for the evening to celebrate. I always think: "this is my year." I think it, I believe it, and it really always is - in one way or another. Some incredibly positive things have happened in my life every single year.
This past year has been both particularly full of accomplishments AND particularly difficult. 2014 has included some of my most terrifying and most complicated months, but it has also included some of my most cherished memories and newly-created friendships.
I always think about going out and celebrating... Although there was only one year that I did. And I (uncharacteristically) ended up in the corner crying most of the night. In my defense I was dealing with severe HAE attacks that we did not know were HAE attacks, I was not allowed to eat until an allergist came back from his Christmas Holiday, and they were testing me (again) for several types of Cancer. Now that whole array of testing has almost become a routine of sorts (with - luckily - the results being negative so far).
Even though I am tempted to try going out in a fancy dress wearing a fancy hat and throwing confetti and balloons and bringing in the new year with a bang - I am also very acutely aware that I may have a very difficult year again. There is a plan on the horizon that is currently being coordinated with several specialists, and the scheduled appointment will result in at LEAST several months of tough recovery and physiotherapy. Do I feel like crying now? No. But on New Year's Eve I would hate for it to all come flooding into my head and ruin another night out... So I will likely stay in.
I received several new books for Christmas this year... But this one speaks to me very specifically. The Book of Awesome by Neil Pasricha. It is so simple and yet so complex. In essence, he writes about how the simplest pleasures can be a key to being happy - as long as we make note of them. Situations like "tripping and realizing no one saw you", or "nailing a parallel parking attempt on the first try", or "old, dangerous playground equipment".... The simplest things in life that can bring on a smile even on the worst of days.
How fitting!
For me, it's noticing how clear the mountains looked on my drive home after the holiday. It's when my dog does exactly what I ask him to do the first time I ask - in front of company. It's getting home ten minutes before the snow started falling - so that when I looked outside, the snow was untouched in my yard. Or on Boxing Day it was having that one specific item on my list to buy, then finding it at the first store I walked into - and it being on sale!!
This next year will include several tough situations, many tough conversations that I am very nervous about having, some major decisions and even more preparation, and trying to keep a sane mind with everything going on.... This book is perfect. I may even need to cart it around with me so that I always have a full arsenal of positive distractors.
This is my year. Again!