How do I finally get to a state of mind where having 4/10 pain every single day is my 'new normal'? How do I accept that 'taking it easy' means leaving the laundry for another day, or maybe deciding that the dishes can wait, or asking a friend to drive me to an appointment because I don't have the energy to properly focus on the simple task of driving, or having someone over just to take my dog out to pee so that I can sit down and update my medical journal?
How do I accept that I will need to modify every single activity, hobby, passion, or routine so that I can still participate without risking my health to the point of putting myself in danger?
How do I come to accept that wishing for pain-free days, swell-free days, nausea-free days is almost pointless?
The truth is, if I have one good hour where I feel 'pretty good', it is a victory. Every time I can even download and learn a new dong is a victory. Every time that I get to focus any amount of time on doing something that I love is a victory. Every video that I post, every social engagement, every meal that I cook, every time I get to play fetch with my puppy or even wrestle with him and giggle... These are all major victories for me.
I may never be considered 'healthy'... But I sure as hell am going to lead a happy life. I may never be without pain, swelling, nausea, medications and their respective side effects, infections, headaches, and the list of symptoms that I have to keep track of daily.... But I AM and will CONTINUE to be
HAPPY.