Have you ever thought or said a phrase like:
"I'll do that when I feel better"
Or
"I'll start working on that when I get better"
Or
"I can't do that right now, but when this goes away, I will".
I have used these phrases. Almost everyone I can think of has used some variation of the above sentiments.
Now don't take this too literally. I am not meaning that when you're hunched over a bucket, unable to move because of uncontrollable vomiting and writhing in pain, that you should simply get up and get on with it.
The truth is, I may wake up tomorrow and feel better. I may wake up miraculously cured of all ailments and never have pain or nausea or discomfort from illness for the rest of my life. I could also wake up tomorrow and feel worse, more debilitated, and in more pain, for the rest of my life.
I accomplished something huge the other day. I signed up for a gym membership again and managed to do ten minutes on the Stairmaster. That was followed by a four-hour sleep in the middle of the afternoon. It is not that I am feeling particularly strong, or healthy, or energetic. In fact, it's closer to the opposite. This time last year I was doing better, I was actually feeling remarkably better, until the end of February and beginning of March in 2014. Then I got remarkably worse.
What I realized this week is that this is the absolute best that I am GOING to feel for the next long period of time. It could be months, it could be a year or more. This is the best that I am going to get until drastic measures are taken, and those may not happen quickly. Furthermore, I am going to be subjected to further diagnostic testing as early as next week.
The last thing that I want to say to myself is that 'I will get a gym membership when I feel better.' The sad truth is that I may never feel better than I do right now.
Why wait?
In fact, I can think of several reasons why this is a good decision - as long as I keep a very close eye on my body's response. If I can build up strength and flexibility, while controlling the level of increased adrenaline, in a controlled and heavily monitored environment, then my recovery from a discussed surgery could be easier than expected. If I can get myself to a gym to work out my joints, to build my core strength, and even provide a social experience, that could improve my physical and emotional well-being. As long as I am cautious and do not create further deterioration, then this could be extremely positive.
The fact of the matter is that I may never improve. So why wait? And then, if I do improve, my goals will be even closer, and I can pride myself in knowing that I persevered even though there was no way of knowing if I would ever feel any better.
I am determined to make the most of my situation - no matter how depressing it can get.
I am proud that I was able to be on the Stairmaster for ten minutes. Frankly, I was proud that I even had the nerve to get out of the house and GET to the gym that day.
Don't wait until you feel 'perfect' to do something. Don't wait until you're in a better situation to make goals and work towards accomplishments. There are always ways to make strides - however small. I may not be able to do 500 crunches a day, with 3 hours of volleyball, plus cardio, weights, and whatever else I used to do in my younger days. But I did ten minutes on a Stairmaster. That I have not been able to do in almost a year. It is a step in the right direction. If I can get on that Stairmaster by next December, then I am still progressing. Regardless of how small that step is, it is still forward!
If I had conceded to wait until I 'felt better' to go traveling, to go sailing, to go to University and get a post-secondary education, to move away and live on my own, I would still be waiting... I would still be in the same situation I was in over 14 years ago.
If I never did anything until I 'got better', well I would never do anything at all.