I woke up again in that 'sleep paralysis' state. Before I had gone to bed tonight, Decker was being a monkey, so I had made him go in his kennel when it was bedtime. I did not close or lock his kennel door, but I fell asleep not knowing exactly where he was sleeping - (he tends to quietly sneak out and lie down closer and closer to my room, and then sneaks up on the bed once I've fallen asleep).
Anyways, after I went to bed tonight, this is what happened:
I was having a nightmare. In my nightmare I had driven out to a house (mine) - but it was in the middle of nowhere. I was going there early because we were expecting company late in the night and I wanted to make sure things were perfect. Arriving at the house alone, it was just me and Decker, and the entire feeling was ominous. Something wasn't right. It was late, there were grey clouds, everything seemed horror-flick-worthy. Everyone that I was expecting was late ... And then people canceled. But I could tell that I wasn't alone. My room in the house in the dream was exactly how my real room is - but with more floor space. In my dream, someone was coming. I knew someone was coming and I had to protect myself - but I couldn't move. This is where I woke up. I opened my eyes wide and I couldn't move (reality). I still felt that ominous feeling as though someone was coming for me. I was terrified - but couldn't move. All I started thinking about was what I could use for a weapon.
Now, because I had such awful dreams when I was on Prednisone, a psychologist had once explained to me how to go back into dreams/nightmares and find a way to control them.
So that's what I did. I forced myself to close my eyes, and then tried to slow everything down. I focused on small movements and taking (literally) one step at a time. When I had originally opened my eyes, I caught a possible weapon sitting on my dresser, but, for some reason, I needed my cane beside me.
I knew it was at the door. So, in my dream, I focused on sitting up, putting my feet on the floor, taking one step at a time, grabbing my cane, then going back to my bed with the weapon within arm's reach. I remember feeling that sense of urgency, as though the 'presence' was almost here and I needed to hurry... But (still in the nightmare) I still didn't know where Decker was, and I felt paralyzed and weak. Everything was lopsided and blurry, the room was spinning, and I had trouble simply walking at all.
My eyes opened again. I looked around without moving my head but I couldn't see Decker (in reality). I still had that ominous feeling and I started to panic. I couldn't move (actually), and I couldn't move (in the nightmare). I couldn't tell anymore what if what I was seeing was reality or the nightmare... But all of a sudden, I heard Decker walk into the room (reality and nightmare). I focused all of my attention to my right hand. I knew that if I could just slightly move my hand to the side of the bed - just move a couple of fingers - he would see it and get on the bed to protect me (well actually to get pets). I made sure my eyes were open and I managed to move my hand. Dex came right that second and jumped up onto the bed, which jolted me out of being paralyzed. It woke me up entirely and I knew I was safe. It took me about ten minutes of staying awake and playing some games on my phone for that terrifying feeling to go away; for me to be absolutely sure that I am completely awake.
I really need to get a move on getting a night vision camera to record this. I wonder what I look like when I am having one of these episodes.
Do I actually manage to move at all? I remember moving. I remember seeing things in my room. Do my eyes open wide with a look of terror on my face... Then close again for a few seconds? Do I make any kind of a noise or ask for help? I don't think that I managed to sleep walk since my cane is not where I had put it in the nightmare... Just makes me wonder.
These episodes are terrifying - even when I can find a way to slow it down so that I focus on deliberate movements. Even when I can force my brain to continue the nightmare in a specific way.
And how does that happen? How could I have possibly learned to actually control the direction in which my nightmares go?
Fascinating stuff!!
Frightening... But interesting.