Imagine:
14 year old girl needs to shop for clothes.
The average 14 year old girl would want to meet some friends at the mall, hang out, maybe play some arcade games, hit up a movie, and shop with her friends. You know, have a full 'hang out' day. Catch the city bus there so that you don't have to be seen anywhere near your parents.
When I was 13 - that was me. I wouldn't want to WALK near my parents. I took the city bus everywhere, met friends out bowling and shopping, rode my bike over to the houses of friends, rollerbladed over to the lake. I was already independent.
Then there were problems. I started having urgency. Kids my age didn't understand that when I said I needed to go to the bathroom, I literally needed to be in a bathroom stall within about 30 seconds or I was having an accident. I couldn't even tell them THAT because it wasn't socially acceptable or 'lady-like' to do that in a public washroom anyways. Add in a thyroid issue that added to an already existing issue with sweating - seriously - disgusting, embarrassing, saucer sweat stains in anything that I wore - PLUS a new medication that caused so much water retention that I would literally fluctuate in weight up to 15lbs per day. I would go from a size 6 to a size 13 in a matter of weeks. And back down just as quickly once I was taken off the medication.
So - my shopping companion became my mother. I was worried about bigger issues than being ostracized by my peers because I was close to my mom (which I was). And believe me - being 'left out' is something that I simply had to ignore. At least my mom was kind about all of the embarrassing issues that I was facing (on top of puberty mind you). So anyone that teased me or made fun of me for being 'friends' with my mom and going everywhere with her became distant acquaintances.
Shopping trips were excruciating at the best of times. Shirts or pants that had fit me a week prior were so tight that I could barely get them over one leg. Trying on clothing used to cause such horrendous hot flashes, which, in turn, would cause terrifying episodes of urgency, and we just never knew if it was going to be a good day or a bad day. My mom had to tell me that certain outfits were no longer flattering, she had to help me find entire new wardrobes that I did not want to admit that I needed, and we had to come up with exit strategies from every store and map out the nearest washroom wherever we were. Up until a couple of years ago, I literally had every pant size in my closet from 00 to 14. The 14s I called "Prednisone Pants" and the 00s I called "Sicky Pants".
I ALWAYS had to get pants that had stretch in them, and there was no point in buying any brand names because there was no guarantee that I'd get any long-term wear out of them.
I could not buy colored shirts unless they had patterns that would make sweat stains imperceptible, I could not buy silky or flimsy material, no t-shirt material, and everything had to be so far away from my armpits that I couldn't get regular tank tops or t-shirts, and couldn't be very fashionable. Layering became my best defense.
I'm just glad that I was an athlete. That helped me explain some of the sweating issues. When I was on the volleyball, basketball, or badminton courts, everyone sweat, so it was overlooked.
For that reason, and because of urgency and relatively frequent accidents, I always carried at least one extra outfit with me. I kept extra clothes in my locker at school, in my sports bags, in my backpack, in my purse, and I recently just found clothes in my old golf bag that I used to use. In University I still had to keep an extra outfit, or two, or three, in a locker. And sometimes, if an accident was bad, I just had to go home and hope that no one noticed. I had to nap in the far corner 5 steps away from a very private bathroom that most students didn't even know was there.
Luckily, my parents were amazing. Whenever we had a little extra money, they would take me down to Great Falls to do some bargain clothes shopping. The reason it was SO amazing is that the prices were phenomenal, we made what was normally an awful time into a really positive trip, AND I didn't have to worry about seeing anyone from school. It was a great way to turn a situation that I resented into a fun vacation. I could relax!
As soon as I went on a medication that settled things down for a couple of years, I finally decided to do something about the sweating. In University, I underwent a surgery to remove the sweat glands from my underarms. I had tried everything; I had tried Drysol, alternative therapies, medication, even saran wrapping my arms overnight with a medicated deodorant - nothing worked.
The surgery itself was actually really invasive. I was caught off guard by how much recovery time I needed. I went in to work the day after surgery (which was not very smart). The surgery itself was fascinating! I asked to be awake for it, so that I could watch watch the doctor perform the entire procedure and ask questions. It was so interesting. Afterwards, I had a Jackson Pratt that hooked up to both surgical sites and I couldn't lift my arms or lift anything over 5 lbs for several weeks.
But I have never looked back. I have colorful clothing and t-shirts and I don't have to worry about disgustingly massive sweat stains. I can wear silky blouses or tight-fitting t-shirts, and hoodies that aren't four sizes too big.
It gave me one less thing to ALWAYS be concerned about.
Now that the urgency is under control - for the most part - now that I don't have to worry about sweating through everything that I try on, now that I know that I won't have to run through crowds and shove people out of the way to get to a bathroom on time (which really did happen on more than one occasion. Imagine movie style 'move outta my way' crazy girl shoving people out of the way, running up the 'down' escalator to get to the bathroom). NOW shopping is a much more pleasant experience....
When I'm not using my cane, or my walker... Or when my pain medication is sufficient... And when the walking and trying on clothing doesn't make me vomit from the movement.... And when I'm not swollen...
Okay so it's still not perfect, but it's much better than it was when I was 14.
It's one of the reasons why my mom and I became so close. And I am incredibly thankful for that. I am also incredibly thankful that the taboo of being seen with my mom didn't bother me so much. The politics and cliques and petty issues that come up in grade school were just so monumentally small in comparison to the problems I faced within my own body. Don't get me wrong, I got caught up in a lot of it and there were days where I felt that certain people, certain comments, and certain bullying situations had ruined my life. Some of what happened in junior high and high school was horrible because of 'normal' high school bullying. I simply had bigger things to worry about. I mean, I had two MAJOR abdominal surgeries in grade 12, with an ileostomy in between those surgeries - which affected my entire senior year. Plus, at that time, I was getting bloodwork done twice a week during my lunch hour breaks from school, I had to frequently drive to doctor's appointments in Calgary, I ended up in Emergency every couple of months at least, plus I had a standing order to get a litre of fluid into my veins every month in the Emergency department, and I even scheduled my coursework and my spares according to medical schedules.
I was just trying to survive.
And now I like shopping!!! 😄
:).