Managing chronic illness requires patience, strength, and one hell of a will power.
One thing that is always difficult is finding that perfect balance of medication (natural or pharmaceutical).
At night especially, the goal is to reduce pain enough to actually relax and get some sleep. But when you need so much pain medication, how do you take enough to do more than just take the edge off, all without causing extra nausea? And how do you battle the nausea that comes with it without becoming unnaturally sleepy - to the point of being loopy and generally out of it? How do you battle that spinning feeling without having to adjust pain meds and just deal with a little extra pain? Not only that, but how do you ingest enough food for the medication to work properly and not cause slight overdoses or, on the opposite side, prove to be ineffective?
It is almost impossible to figure out exactly what doses are needed to have that balance of pain, exhaustion, nausea, and discomfort... And, unfortunately, it is all trial and error. Even taking the exact same doses of medication every day doesn't result in consistent results.
But the feeling I get when I have FINALLY found that PERFECT balance is absolutely incredible!!!
I had a very busy weekend. I managed to be able to do a tiny bit of two-stepping (slowly, to three songs) and then watched a heartbreaking Superbowl with some friends. I got too excited dancing, so I started vomiting not long after I got home. It felt as though I was being punished for finally just going out and doing something that I really love. Then, after watching the game, I got home and my pain had sky-rocketed.
For whatever reason, about twenty minutes after I took my evening meds, I felt it; That absolutely perfect balance. My pain subsided enough (with the help of some topical anti-inflammatory cream along with meds) to actually be able to relax. Then, my anti-nauseants provided me with the least amount of stomach discomfort, while helping me relax into an amazing sleep.
I can say, for certain, that I have only found that exactly perfect combination a handful of times. It relies on so many variables that it is impossible to duplicate. Hormones, food, medication, medication changes, emotional levels, temperature, tiredness...
I don't know when that will happen again, but it was a great (and much needed) finish to an amazing weekend.