When you get diagnosed with a chronic disease, you know (theoretically) what the progression will be. The most important part of this is that the longer you live, the more downhill it can go.
The more time you have, the more time there is for the disease to get worse.
I know that with my IBD, things *could* get as bad as needing constant surgeries, nasal-gastric tube feeding, and possible death.
I know that with Macular Degeneration, complete blindness is a possibility.
I know that with my Hashimoto's, eventually I may need surgery to remove my thyroid gland entirely.
With the pelvic issues, a complete hysterectomy will have to happen, and further laser surgeries to remove scar tissue will also occur.
With my arthritis, I may need hip replacement(s), shoulder blade replacement(s), I may eventually be bound to a wheelchair.
I may eventually need a IV port. I will need home care. I will lose my ability to see, to walk, to function independently - if I am lucky enough to live long enough to experience the worst of any of these illnesses.
Let me make this very clear. I HOPE that I live long enough to fight through it all. Losing my dignity is not going to make me lose my will to live. My life is amazing and blessed - but it is also hard. And it will always get harder. Medications are all temporary. Treatments are all temporary. The body will fight at every turn and get worse and become resistant to therapies. But I hope that I'm here to see it and flip it the bird for being such an a**hole.
The worst is always yet to come.
In some respects, this is the worst it has been. But it will get worse. That's not being pessimistic - there is no possible way that every single one of my illnesses will be cured or even slowed down to a halt anytime soon. Something will always be progressing.
So...
When do I finally admit that I'm scared?