There aren't many things in this world that will get you through an important weekend quite like adrenaline.
Adrenaline is what has gotten me through a lot of important and meaningful events. Even take my trip to Europe. Yes, there were days that I felt terrible, but I did not have a full 'crash' until about a week after I arrived back at home - when my adrenaline levels finally came down.
This past weekend was an important weekend. This coming weekend is ALSO an important weekend. I wasn't positive on when (and if) my body would crash from the previous weekend, but I was hoping it would have happened on Wednesday... (If there was ever a 'good' time to crash, for scheduling purposes, yesterday was it.)
Now, on Sunday, I was actually doing better than even I anticipated. My back and hips were killing me, my pain was so high that I couldn't sleep, and my nausea levels were up, but nothing uncontrollable - no fits of vomiting or frantic painful fits in my belly.
Now, there was that tiny little voice of optimism in my head that kept saying: 'maybe you're just better overall! Maybe you won't have ANY kind of crash! Maybe you are all of sudden miraculously cured!'.... And I hear the voice of my boyfriend saying 'maybe you won't get as sick this time...' And I think - maybe.
So I do what I can to relax and take things slowly, I make sure to literally sleep Monday away... But Tuesday I was still doing okay, so I went to pick up a fancy dress for the important event this weekend... And Tuesday night is still ok. In the middle of the night I had horrible nightmares and cold sweats and was feeling feverish and grabbed a puke bucket to sleep next to, but no true crash yet.
That optimistic voice is getting a little stronger - but I don't want to jynx anything by really hearing it.
Wednesday rolls around and I am terribly weak, but no crash. I can barely function - but still no crash. I sleep most of Wednesday away... And sleep most of today...
But still no crash.
The come down from adrenaline is always the most frightening. The adrenaline that helped me get through the pain and ignore the nausea and pretend to be totally healthy is also the same adrenaline that swelled up each thigh larger than the size of my waist.... Caused my stomach and legs and arms to swell, threatening to swell my throat or chest ....
And still tonight - I feel pretty awful and headachy and weak, but no major vomiting fit requiring hospitalization.
Still upright. Still eating and keeping food down. Tired, but alright.
On Saturday I get to sing for the Crohn's and Colitis Gala. With live music and entertainment, a silent auction and a live auction, dinner, the whole gambit. It's a formal banquet so I get to wear a floor-length gown and enjoy the night.
Now my question is - have I not gotten sick because my adrenaline is STILL keeping everything at bay until after the gala. Once that's over, is that when the traumatizing 'come down' will happen? Once I can fully relax and have no more greatly important events to prepare for in the near future? Or maybe, just maybe, is my body beginning to handle this kind of stress a little bit better?
Will I be sent to the hospital next week with an internal angioedemic attack? Or will I be able to ride it out at home... Just relaxing at home and keeping up with my medication and relaxing regimens?
It's impossible to know for sure. Which means it's impossible to be pessimistic or optimistic. I know what has happened in the past... I write it all down and I write down ideas on how I may have been able to improve it...
Have I already dealt with the 'come down' by sleeping and having the feverish feeling and night sweats, or will it be worse after this coming weekend?
Impossible to know.
Still - that little tiny miniscule optimistic voice keeps singing in my brain that maybe I won't have to visit the emergency room this time for actually living!!
I guess we'll find out. :)