This weekend my parents have decided to host a garage sale. Since I have to be in town this weekend anyways, I agreed to go through all of my stuff that they are keeping for me in storage.
****** I am not perfectly fluent in French, but I do have enough conversational French to have been able to speak French the entire time on my vacations to France. I also DO have very BASIC knowledge of Italian, but I took Spanish classes in University and have the rudimentary knowledge - not quite conversational, but definitely not a complete beginner.
I found old toys and games, pictures, yearbooks, awards, books and trinkets and random junk that brought back an entire flood of memories - both good and awful.
There are two very specific items that REALLY caught my attention - neither of which are being donated, sold, or thrown away.
Before I even explain these items, I should explain a little bit of history. Most of my readers already know the bulk of this - so if you are one of my close friends, feel free to skip the next couple of paragraphs.
Before I first became ill, I was involved in absolutely everything. In school I participated in cross country, track, band, choir, volleyball, basketball, badminton, school theater and musical theater productions, a straight-A student overall, school sailing trips, singing for football games, and singing for mass during auditorium services. Outside of school I was involved in city musical theater productions, dance lessons (ballet, jazz, hip hop, tap, and breakdancing), city volleyball club, summer sports camps, piano lessons, theory lessons, and singing for Hurricanes hockey games, weddings, funerals, and at my local church (wedding singing and funeral singing I began in high school). I even started teaching rudimentary voice, piano, and theory lessons while I was still in high school.
Like most things, the above activities started to dwindle. I became more focused in some areas and said goodbye to the rest. I also had a few things working against me. At age 14 I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I was hospitalized several times, usually due to severe cases of pancreatitis in reaction to all of the medication my doctors tried (other than Prednisone of course). I would go every month to appointments with my first GI specialist at the Children's Hospital, where he would tell me to roll over and proceeded to do a scope with no sedation. This was routine for me and I knew nothing different. I mean, I was a kid! I was taking 18 pills per day at 14, getting bloodwork as often as twice a week, having the runs 18-25 times per day, often including blood. I couldn't eat much of anything other than Boost. My colon removal was an emergency surgery, and happened just after my 17th birthday. I wore an ileostomy bag for a short, but frustrating, seven months. They then did the reconnection and J-Pouch surgery one month before high school graduation. Between then and now, my bowels are still working 12 times a day but are fairly stable - or more, predictable. I was diagnosed with Chronic Pouchitis and Crohn's Disease shortly after my second surgery. Then it spiraled down. Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Tachycardia, Myofascial Pain Disorder, Macular Degeneration, Recurrent Pancreatitis, Severe Chronic Pelvic Pain, Chronic Migraines, Psoriasis, Raynaud's, Hereditary Angioedema, Ankylosing Spondylitis, an AVM in my lung, Sjögren's, and they are currently testing for an immunodeficiency. I have had anything BUT a normal life. There was no guarantee I would ever even graduate high school. My parents also taught me that I did not have to go to University or College if I decided that I could not manage it.
Alright - back to the main topic - DETERMINATION.
First and foremost, I made it through high school and ended up achieving a Bachelor's Degree.
Tonight's 'blast from the past' uncovered so much history and caused laughs and tears and confusion and pride.
This first item - a teddy bear - was the first stuffed animal that I was ever given in the hospital. The Children's Hospital; my second home. It was also the place where I had homework assignments faxed to me so that I could get homework and projects in to my teachers on time. How I made honor roll each year, I have no clue. I look back and don't have any idea how I managed to get through any of it at all.
This second item had me beaming from ear to ear.
The following is a letter that was written in junior high - before I became ill. It has a fictional recipient, a fictional address, applying for a fictional job. It is a letter that reminded me how absolutely determined I was, it shows me what accomplishments and progress that I have made even WITH debilitating illness, and it reminded me that no matter WHAT kind of hand a person is dealt, that anything really is possible!
"I have recently graduated from the University of Alberta*, where I majored in both music and athletics**. I have earned a fine arts degree*** and a certificate**** in psychology. I currently work for ... as a wedding singer*****... I am fluent in both French and English languages with knowledge of basic Italian******."
* I graduated from the University of Lethbridge.
** I majored in both Music and Psychology.
***I have a combined degree in Music (vocal performance) and
**** Psychology.
***** I sing for weddingsThis letter - this made-up letter - was composed before I ever got sick. I knew what I wanted back then, and even though I faced immense struggles, I have achieved almost every single goal that I had set for myself - with some slight modification.
That 13-year-old girl is the same one today. I truly never let any of this illness stop me from achieving my goals. I basically did everything I set out to do - and more!
Illness does not have to change who you are.
Illness does not have to hinder you from making monumental achievements.
Things may have to be modified, but when you are dedicated and determined and know exactly what you want from life, NOTHING can stop you.
That was such an uplifting moment for me - to know that I am still that person, and that I have not let the illness defeat me.
And just for fun: