When I first fell ill, at 14, our family was thrust into this foreign situation that none of us really knew how to handle. 15 years ago, we had never even heard of terms like 'inflammation' or 'chronic'. We had no idea what Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn's Disease were, we had never heard of a 'gluten-free' diet, and dietary restrictions that we DID know of were specific to the few individuals who had severe peanut allergies.
I mean, in reality, I had only JUST learned the specifics of what the digestive system was comprised of.
All of a sudden, we had to change our entire perspective.
I credit my independence to being sick. By the age of 16, I had mastered booking, preparing for, and attending all of my appointments. I knew how to navigate the health system and how to speak with people in various levels of healthcare. I had learned to get bloodwork done during lunch hour at school, and even in my senior year of high school, I actually scheduled my school classes and co-curricular activities around two major abdominal surgeries. I took a Summer session so that my third semester would be full of spares - which was my recovery period after my second surgery.
I quickly learned patterns to my illness that helped me cope. I found out that I was always MUCH worse in the mornings, so I would schedule work and courses in the afternoons or evenings, and any courses I had to miss I had recorded on a cassette tape by the professor or a fellow student. I found that physical activity seemed to dull the pain and even improve some symptoms, so I scheduled as much physical activity as I could handle.
Most of all, I found out that whenever I felt well enough to DO something, if I didn't take that opportunity, I may not feel better again for days, weeks, or even years! If I waited for company to join me every single time, I would miss out.
This was when I started to do everything on my own. Most of the young girls around me wouldn't do anything on their own... But, I mean, with a digestive illness that wasn't well-known at all, spoken about, or even remotely understood, it's not like I ever wanted company in the bathroom anyways. I began developing a 'habit' of doing everything by myself.
I had to learn how to do everything that I wanted to do, sometimes without any friends to join me. I booked classes, fitness courses, work schedules, and everything else based on my own personal medical schedule, so I often had no company during my classes until I made friends with new people.
I had already been driving to and from all of my appointments by myself, I had learned to navigate the public transit system, how to get to all of my specialist appointments and procedures in Calgary, and I had learned how several paid parking systems functioned (which is surprisingly confusing).
Not to say that I was always alone. My parents were always supportive and always there for me, but I have consistently had SO many appointments that it was near impossible (and really unnecessary) for them to attend each appointment.
With that under my belt, other activities didn't seem so daunting.
I learned how to enjoy going to the gym alone.
I shopped alone.
I usually studied alone and practiced music alone.
I learned how to cook on my own.
I jogged and trained alone, signed up for teams alone.
I asked friends to teach me how to do my own oil change, how to change a tire, and my dad taught me how to check all of the fluids in my vehicle.
I learned how to stay safe while participating in physical activities alone. It started off with smaller activities like bike riding or roller blading. Then I started driving down to Waterton and Red Rock Canyon by myself to go hiking, even on some of the more challenging trails/mountains.
I learned how to properly load and haul my kayak so that I could pick up and go whenever I felt well enough to do so. Then I started wanting to go camping much more often. Being a broke student, I couldn't afford to camp for days on end in actual campsites, so I learned bear safety and bush-camping safety and guidelines, along with survival skills so that I could pitch a tent way out in the sticks for several days.
In University I even began to go out alone. I would go to shows or concerts, attend athletic events, even go out dancing, by myself. I always preferred having a friend with me, but if I felt well enough to go and couldn't find anyone to join me, I would go anyways! I learned how to make new friends wherever I went, and I eventually developed friendships (which I still cherish) with 'bar friends' - people I could meet up with on any given night. These were the people who I could two-step with whenever I showed up alone. Numbers were rarely exchanged and I didn't usually see them outside of the bar scene, but I could always count on great country dancing partners.
I started going to pubs to watch Seahawks games by myself.
I went to restaurants and ate meals alone (accompanied by a good book).
Then, when I was 22, I had decided to travel after being diagnosed with an eye condition. I had been put on a new medication that was finally helping, and I didn't want to waste the opportunity since I had no clue how long my good fortune would last. Initially intending on going with friends, I took out a travel line of credit and decided to go to Europe. I was still in University, as were most of my friends, and no one else could justify the time, so I booked a Mediterranean cruise, alone.
After that trip, I went on two more in Europe - both backpacking trips, one alone and one where I met up with a friend in Lyon, France.
These trips ended up being the most incredible experiences of my life. I booked excursions and tours, restaurants and shows, boat rides and meals and classes all by myself. What was nice about traveling alone is that no one else was relying on me to feel well enough to do something. I wasn't holding anyone else back if I needed an extra day to rest.
I learned how to book flights and hotels and hostels, deal with airlines and travel agents and train schedules, public transits, site-seeing and featured events - all in different countries and different languages. It's a good thing that I went, too! I had three years of decent enough health to travel, and then my health plummeted. It has been almost 7 years since I felt strong enough to travel, and that won't be changing anytime soon, if ever.
After those trips, my independence grew even more.
Suddenly, everything was easier to do alone.
I learned how to take care of myself and how to rely on no one but myself.
I learned to sign show up basically anywhere by myself and feel good about it.
When a friend backed out, I even went sky-diving alone on my birthday one year.
Recently, I had been invited to an organized group camping trip. One of my very good friends was organizing it, and I knew he would be there with his girlfriend. I had no clue who else was going to be there, but I knew it would be around 100 people or so. I showed up on the second day, picked a spot, set up the tent, and went for a walk around the site to see if I knew anyone else. I sort of knew a few others, so I sat with them for a bit, went to take Decker for a swim, and then hung out by the fire with a group of people. It seemed as though a couple of people were unusually curious, but I chalked it up to simply having never met me before - not a big deal. The next morning is when it hit me. One of the guys (who was there with his girlfriend), asked me point-blank in the morning if I was there by myself. It was a 'lightbulb' moment - he thought it was SO strange that I had shown up by myself.
These things have become so normal to me that I OFTEN forget how strange a behaviour it is to do everything alone - especially as a girl.
I credit my illness as the primary reason why I have become so independent.
It's not easy!
Even for an outgoing personality, walking alone into a crowded bar, walking around by yourself on the Stampede grounds, showing up to a concert without someone with you, even attending a fitness class (like Zumba) without a friend can seem strange and can be extremely intimidating.
I'm not sure that I would have been so outgoing and so determined if I hadn't been forced to learn to be this way.
I still get incredibly nervous to do certain things on my own - like taking a road trip and staying at a hotel in Canmore for a few days, sitting at the bar in a pub to watch a Seahawks game by myself, driving to brand new places and having to figure out where to go and how to get there and camp on crown land in new areas, attending a conference or information session by myself, even some of the photo shoots I have been a part of have been attended by people who have brough friends.
Life is better with a partner - but why on earth would I choose to sit back and miss out on the best things in life, JUST because I had no one available to join me at that particular moment?
Life is short and life is precious.
Take advantage of those moments where you have good health and exciting opportunities.
If I had continually waited to do something until someone else could join me, I wouldn't have had half of the incredible experienced that I've had.
Being sick is never fun.
Being sick did, however, teach me about my own determination and helped me enjoy the best parts of life.