Being on several medications and suffering from various illnesses, every new recurring symptom that is bothersome must be taken seriously.
In many cases, the new 'symptom' ends up being something random, maybe connected to the weather or something like using different laundry detergents.... Nonetheless, my medical history warrants investigation.
Lately I have been experiencing some mildly worrisome new symptoms. One has to do with my vision, another symptom seems to be connected to diet, and the third symptom seems to reflect recent changes in one specific and pre-existing illness.
Unfortunately, two of these symptoms must be investigated by specialists, while the other should simply require bloodwork and a possible dosage change in one of my medications.
The symptoms began a few weeks ago, but I still haven't called to book the appointments.
Sounds crazy right? Sounds almost irresponsible or avoidant right?
Well, I am being avoidant.
But perhaps not in the way that you would expect.
At first, I wanted to wait a little while to document when I experience these symptoms. I wanted to look for patterns and possible causes, and I was crossing my fingers that they were temporary issues that would disappear after a couple of weeks.
They have not disappeared.
I have been so overwhelmed with the appointments and discussions around the topic of surgery, that I really have not felt equipped to deal with anything else that could be serious. I have been diligent about documenting the occurrences of each symptom as well as possible causes.
Once I make that phone call... Once I have caved... Once I have verbally admitted that I am scared and unsure about new symptoms... That is when it starts to feel real. The moment I make that phone call, I am forced to deal with whatever it is head-on. That phone call makes it real, and it means gearing up for more tests, more appointments, more concern....
The same can be said about deciding whether or not an episode is severe enough to have to go to the hospital. If I can manage to individually handle an episode in the comfort of my own home, it feels much less serious - I can downplay the severity. But - once I make that 911 phone call, or when I finally ask my family to drive me to the ER, the tears start flowing. I can no longer pretend that it 'isn't all that bad' ... I have admitted defeat and I have admitted that I cannot deal with it on my own... that I NEED help from someone else.
I hate feeling that vulnerable. My life is very literally in the hands of ER physicians.
I know that my symptoms need to be assessed and dealt with. I do, however, want to be absolutely positive that I am prepared for another battle (or several battles). It's important to feel mentally capable to overcome whatever future health complications that I may face. Plus, taking extra time to prepare is likely half the reason why I have managed to continuously keep fighting up to this point.
Stupid symptoms.
Once I start to get a handle on my previously diagnosed illnesses, more weird symptoms pop up. I could use a break!!