I want to take you away from where you currently are. I want you to take 5 minutes to read this. 5 uninterrupted minutes with zero distractions and 100% focus. It is a long post, but PLEASE read up until the VERY end!
While reading, ask yourself what your threshold would be to constitute canceling your plans. At which point, which 'section' would you have decided to leave?
Ready?
I want you to picture, in your mind, an event that you are looking forward to. Perhaps it is a date, or a vacation, a wedding, a job interview... Something important that you have been looking forward to. It has to be something so important that you have already made preparations in order to go to this specific event, including having picked out your outfit or perhaps hired a babysitter.
Picture the day of this event.
It is a day where your only obligation is to physically get ready to go, then go.
Your alarm goes off. You look at your phone to check the weather and the calendar. You have this flutter of excitement knowing that the day is here!
You rub your eyes, stretch, and sit up on the bed.
Section one:
Once you're up, you realize that your head is pounding. You sigh, grab a glass of water, and decide to try eating breakfast before resorting to any Tylenol or Advil, etc..
Still excited, you walk into the washroom to shower. You're in such a good mood that you throw on some music to help you really wake up.
Section two:
When you start the water, you notice that your stomach hurts. You've already got this headache that still hasn't subsided, and now you feel like you're hungover - but you didn't drink or party last night... in fact, you went to bed early!
You're still feeling excited, but you're moving much more slowly. In the shower you notice that your hands are shaky, and you have this strange weakness that forces you to lean on the wall while you're washing your hair. The heat and the steam seem to have helped the stomach pain, but your headache has gotten worse and you can't look up at the light.
Section three:
The dizziness hasn't really gone away and you start to feel nauseated.
You decide to take a couple of regular strength pain relievers and make yourself a cup of coffee and cooking pancakes. Caffeine and food seem to calm your stomach, but you still keep the lights off for now until your headache lessens.
Once the meds kick in, you are feeling better! Your music starts playing again and you start to feel more flutters of excitement. Alright alright alright. (Don't lie, you heard Matthew McConaughey in your mind just now.)
Back on track.
Section four:
You start doing your hair, maybe pick out a tie and cologne, or do your makeup and find the dress... Then you get this super sharp pain in your stomach, you get flushed, sweaty, panicked - and you know that you're gonna vomit.
The stomach pain is intense, the nausea is back, even the headache is back from the pressure of vomiting.
Five minutes or so pass and it seems like it's over.
For good measure, you put on some tea with cinnamon or take some anti-nausea medication.
Unfortunately, the puking has made you feel much more weak and your hands are more shaky. Don't fret.
It isn't a problem!!
You grab yourself a chair to put in the washroom. You might feel too weak to stand, but you sure-as-hell aren't going to miss this event.
Section five:
You push on - albeit more slowly - and continue getting ready. By now you are getting reeeeeally hungry, and you start to stress because it is now taking you much longer than intended. Here's the problem - you almost feel like you're
'Walking on eggshells' as the saying goes. You feel better but you KNOW that one wrong move and you'll be puking again.
After more time passes, your headache is no longer pounding, but it's still there... And each time you furrow your brow in concentration, look right at a lightbulb, or bend down to try on shoes, the headache gets more intense.
You have another sharp pang in your stomach.... But you don't have to throw up this time. You race to the washroom.
After an alarming bathroom break, you now feel even weaker!! You are also, unfortunately, too scared to eat anything because you don't want to throw up again.
You STILL push on!
You try and mask the red-blotchy eyes, dark circles, puffiness, and get all done up.
Section six:
But wait! Something isn't right!! The outfit doesn't fit. The outfit is too small - even though you tried it on YESTERDAY! You take a look in the mirror and realize that your stomach and legs are SWOLLEN!! The stress has caused your body to retain water and look 'puffy', preventing you from wearing what you've been looking forward to wearing.
Damn.
Okay - so you start to rifle through your closet, becoming more frantic and frustrated by the minute. Everything you try on seems small.. Nothing fits properly! In your head, you start to wonder about your eating habits lately and ask yourself if you've put on weight. But how can it be weight? It changed drastically overnight...
Section seven:
Pushing on STILL! (You HAVE to get to that event)!
You finally find an outfit that is okay... Something that you are comfortable wearing and still feel at least a LITTLE bit confident.
You put extra medication in your wallet or purse juuuuust in case, and then you get in your vehicle to go.
The sunshine is pretty bright and immediately worsens your headache.
Whatever - that's what sunglasses are for, right?
On the way there, every red light that you hit, every time your car idles, the vibrations start to make you want to puke again.
Your hands are still shaking, you are unbearably nauseous, your head begins to pound more intensely and you end up pulling into a gas station to use their facilities. Luckily, you happen to see some Imodium on the shelf and take a couple in attempt to have a little more control.
By the time you reach the event, you are so hungry that you can't tell if it's the hunger that is making you nauseous now or if you have caught some flu bug that is making its way around. You decide to order some relatively bland food in hopes of lowering the risk of up-chucking.
Nope.
Not a good idea.
Section eight:
Your body rejects yet another attempt to improve how you are feeling.
Determined and stubborn, you actively participate in the event as much as possible. You try to appear that you are not feeling unwell, but the droopy eyelids, the grey-ish pallor, your shaking hands, your lack of energy, and your all-too-frequent trips to the bathroom, are noticeable. Even socializing is strenuous because you are completely distracted by the stomach pain, nausea, and HOPING that you can make it through one conversation before abruptly having to run to the washroom.... Again. Your thought process, now, primarily consists of negotiating scenarios:
'Ugh. I'm so nauseous... Is there a garbage can over there in case I have to vomit?...'
'I wonder where the bathroom is... Is it too far away? Will I make it there before having an accident if I get that cramping stomach pain again ?'
' I wonder if I can grab myself a chair so that I can sit down before I pass out...'
'Huh? Uh oh.. Did you ask me a question? What did you say? Wow, I really need to focus'
'Maybe I should have stayed home... Or I should leave early. I will stay another hour for sure - then, if it hasn't subsided, I'll go home...'
Section nine:
With worsening symptoms and utterly zapped energy, you decide to go home. But there's another problem. You feel too unwell to drive, so you call a cab. By now, you end up writhing in pain in the back seat the entire way home.
Once home, you do everything you can to fall asleep, but nothing works.
You cave and take more heavy-duty medication or remedies... It manages to dull the pain, but you STILL wind up spending the night on the bathroom floor - as near the toilet as possible - while holding onto a puke-bucket.
Two weeks later, you still feel THAT unwell... So you make a doctor's appointment. After a few more WEEKS or MONTHS of enduring this sickness - day in and day out - with no effective remedy, you are called in to speak with your physician.
And what does he/she tell you?
"What you are currently suffering from is not a flu. You have a chronic condition which disrupts the function of your gastrointestinal tract."
Then he/she adds:
"This is your 'new normal'. This is how you will be feeling the majority of the time, most likely for the rest of your life."
This is how it feels for many who suffer with Inflammatory Bowel Disease as well as many other invisible diseases. It doesn't really get easier with time, you simply become more efficient at adjusting and coping. Over the years it becomes an expected daily routine and you figure out a way to work around it. You simply get better at dealing with the unpredictability and the unrelenting pain of it.
Can you truly picture similar scenarios occurring EVERY...SINGLE...DAY for the rest of your life?
It is a life sentence with pain.
It is an un-winnable battle against illness. ...
And because no one can see it, several people don't even believe you.