Anyone who has ever spent time with me after I take my bedtime medications knows how chatty I can be. I'm also pretty sure that I have referred to this in past entries.
So why does this happen?
Why is it that, at night after my medication, I seem to want to talk about absolutely anything and everything??
My memory is pretty brutal overall unless it has something to do with music. I also have difficulties focusing my mind on specific tasks, and I find that I absolutely HAVE to write down any thoughts, ideas, or notions that I may have, or I likely will not remember them even if they are incredibly important. Sometimes, the short-term memory is so severely compromised that I will be in the middle of a sentence, jotting down something vital, and by the third word of that sentence, I cannot even remember the thought that I was expressing. I cannot tell you how many times I have lost my train of thought and have had to re-read something over and over again in order to remember the context and try to re-create that particular thought process.
When I take my nightly doses, it allows my body to relax and offers some pain relief. Once these medications kick in, not only can I feel the physical pain lessening, but it's similar to opening floodgates and having this gigantic wave of thoughts and ideas.
On a daily basis, pain, discomfort, nausea, headaches, joint pain, and common stresses take up a significant amount of brain activity. My body is constantly fighting itself, and my mind is so occupied with symptoms, that every little nook and cranny is jammed by my body's attempt to cope with pain and illness. With pain that is chronic, it acts as a wall to my thought processes. Trying to retain even more information is often difficult due to the idea that this wall of pain strains out bits and pieces of information, no matter how important. You can't make room for more information without allowing other thoughts to fade... But how do you make room when you have a permanent tenant refusing to leave?
It also works the other way! While trying to express my thoughts, this wall of pain does not allow me to access enough information AND relay it to an outside source without straining that information out. This can leave pieces of information left behind in my subconscious. This is one of the many reasons why I try and write down every good idea.... Then, once those medications wear off and that wall of pain is built back up, the likelihood of remembering those specific details (without seeing it on paper) is pretty slim.
Once my medications kick in and my wall of pain crumbles, the flood-gates of thoughts open. Then, I seem to recall every little thing that interests me. I remember articles found online or in a magazine, I remember items that need to be added to a 'to-do' list, I remember questions that I need to address, I can purposely access memories and details about almost everything in my current life, I even remember ideas that I have come up with for birthday or Christmas presents. In this particular frame of mind, I am better able to express myself - whether on paper, online, in person, in artistic ways...
We all want to relay our own experiences as well as remember the experiences that others have shared. So, once all of those thoughts and memories become apparent - with the flood gates open - the experiences come crashing to the surface and all I want to do is share all of those experiences with someone.
This results in constant chatter, random subject changes, lengthy tangents, and rushed speech, along with countless repetition of phrases that begin with:
"OH YEAH! I forgot to tell you that [this] happened" or "[so-and-so] called me" or "I forgot to ask you [this]" or "we need to do [this] tomorrow".... Etc...
I just want to tell that person absolutely everything that I am thinking and feeling - I don't want to miss any minute detail lest I forget or am prevented from accessing those experiences by morning.
Even take a look at the time of day that most of my blog entries are written. The vast majority are in the middle of the night, when I have thought of an interesting story or experience that had slipped my mind earlier.
My best ideas, the majority of my writing, my best problem-solving abilities, my most efficient thinking capabilities, my most creative plans, gift ideas, lyric ideas, etc... ALL of these occur predominantly when I am on enough medication to remove/reduce some of the distractions (caused by pain). It is more than just 'thinking clearly'... It is having control and being able to direct and focus my mind on a particular task or topic.
Once I remember everything I would like to express, every single bit of that information spills out ...
You know... Just in case I forget it all by morning.