How do you ACTUALLY find real love?
Do you want to be tied down or do you want to be 'free'?
I spent years and years listening to people saying:
"You will just know."
But if you've never felt it, then how the hell do you know? Believing this sentiment, every single relationship I was ever in, I'd be thinking to myself:
'Is this how knowing feels? Is this what it's supposed to be like?'
Which subsequently turned into several situations where I kept trying to make a bad thing work. Or even a mediocre thing. And sometimes a GREAT thing - but not THE thing.
We are always told:
1. Relationships take work and compromise and learning.
2. You need to be willing to meet in the middle.
3. Not only should you accept his/her faults, but learn to love those faults.
4. Do not try and change someone - love that person for exactly who he/she is.
5. When you find the one, it won't feel like anything you've ever experienced. You will 'just know'... And your whole world will change and you will never want to be without that person in your life again!
It makes it sounds like it's easy! Like if you're confused or unsure, then you are doing something wrong.
Well - you're NOT!
Here is what I can say with certainty:
First of all, every friendship that I have with my best male and female friends fits all of the above criteria.
And I felt DIFFERENTLY in every single relationship that I have ever been in. I have never cared for a man in exactly the same way as the previous.
And how far do you go about compromising and working and meeting in the middle? When is it selfish to walk away or when is it absolutely bonkers to stay?
There is no manual.
There is no foolproof method of finding that person who you are truly meant to be with.
What I can also say:
Now I get it.
But it was NOT as instantaneous as many people would have you believe. In fact it took me almost a year to figure it out! I just started to notice how much I wanted him around. He became a friend who I specifically made sure to spend time with. And, believe it or not, I REALLY began noticing after a hypothetical conversation about a possible zombie apocalypse. I realized that HE would be included in the group I would retreat with out to the mountains - along with my family and my best girlfriends. And when I was asked "why?", I didn't have a definitive answer. I just knew that I could not picture any scenario where I did not want him with me.
So - yes - it's true. Once you find that person, you WILL know, but it might not happen right away. It may even be super awkward at first and you may think there isn't enough chemistry. And then one day - it's all there.
So .... I am not going to give you any advice on finding "the one". Because if you haven't found him/her, then you probably hate people like me, who "just know". I know I hated people like me before I became part of that group.
Here is what I can tell you for certain:
If you're worried about being tied down or being free, then he/she is not the one for you right now.
I am in the only relationship that I will ever want to be in, with the only person I will ever want to be with.... And I have never felt more free.
💗