When we are kids, we have to learn what kind of questions are appropriate to ask others. Kids have no filter and are generally pretty inquisitive. They tend to blurt out comments or questions that, if asked by an adult, could be considered offensive.
When we are little, if we see something or someone that doesn't quite fit into what we have already experienced, we don't think twice about asking why that person or situation is different, no matter how rude it may seem.
Unfortunately, we live in a time when absolutely anything a person says or does will be considered offensive to at least one person. Instead of embracing the diversity of opinions and circumstances, if someone does not agree with another's point of view, it can quickly escalate into a personal verbal attack full of judgement and scorn.
So we end up with two common categories of people:
1. People who say whatever they want without any thought or regard for anyone who might take offense, and
2. People who 'walk on eggshells' trying their best to avoid any possible chance of offending others.
Here's the issue:
Someone who fits the first set of criteria can often be perceived as aggressive and judgmental. Some will use blanket-statements and fail to find a less abrasive approach when asking questions about someone who is in a completely different situation with opposing opinions.
Someone who fits the second set of criteria may be more easily swayed to modify or even completely change his/her opinion. For fear of negative consequences, someone with this type of personality will generally avoid any kind of confrontation or controversial topic. In an attempt to be diplomatic, these people may come off as flaky or even disinterested, and lacking in any passionate beliefs and opinions. This can lead to lowered self-awareness, and that person's personality will often be overshadowed.
In social situations, both of the above categories can create some problems, especially when being placed in an unfamiliar atmosphere. Then, if they come across someone whose life is drastically different from their own, it is can be tricky to try and get to know someone to better understand his/her circumstances.
We have all been in situations where we have had contact with someone who has an intriguing story. If we see a person whose arms are covered in scars from severe burns, we often want to ask what happened, but are afraid to. The same idea goes for those with other visible skin conditions, mobility issues, mental health problems, unusual scars or deformity, speech impediments, etc...
People who are apathetic about being offensive may take an aggressive and seemingly condescending approach while trying to understand others, which can deter them from opening up and answering questions.
People who are too cautious may wind up uncomfortably gawking at someone who is visibly handicapped in some form. This can be JUST as offensive, if not more so.
So when did we start discouraging curiosity? When did we begin to learn that being intrigued and wanting to learn about another's situation is inappropriate?
Everyone is different, so everyone will have a slightly different perception of how they would prefer to be approached.
Several people who are wheelchair-bound, for instance, may genuinely appreciate and accept the help of others, while other wheelchair-bound individuals may actually become quite angry when another person offers help.
With my situation, I am (pretty obviously) quite comfortable sharing my experiences. I would encourage someone to ask questions over blatantly staring at my abdominal scars in silence. Although frustrating, even if someone seems a bit patronizing, I would prefer to be given the opportunity to explain myself... Rather than enduring the daggers of judging eyes and the whispered assumptions about my life. There are SEVERAL people, however, who suffer from similar symptoms or health complications who absolutely DO NOT EVER want to speak about their health challenges.
I am very open about the illnesses from which I suffer, and I also have no qualms about telling you if you've crossed a line or if you have asked a question that I am not comfortable answering.
So if there is a burning question that you'd like to ask... If you are curious about parts of my medical life but don't know exactly how to ask, or perhaps do not want to come off as prying into my personal life, then I tell you:
Ask away!!
I WANT to bring awareness to the general public about what it is like to suffer from the diseases that I have been diagnosed with. I WANT to help others understand my situation by direct explanation straight from me. I WANT you to ask questions if there is an aspect of my life that you do not (or cannot) fully grasp.
And as long as the attempt is made in a respectful manner, I will be open and honest with the information I am comfortable sharing.
It comes down to forming your opinions and judgements based on information from the actual source rather than relying on speculations or, even worse, gossip.
So...
Ask away. :)