Heading into the (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend, we are encouraged to purposely think about everything in our lives that we are grateful for.
Sometimes it is difficult to see past our own negative experiences to truly feel appreciative of all of the positive aspects of life that surround us. All too often I notice that when this holiday comes around, we hear people giving thanks for either the same parts of their lives that have always been positive, or more current (and sometimes superficial) positive influences and changes.
You may come across someone so generally pessimistic that he/she is unable to see past the struggles and challenges to feel grateful for anything.
On the flip side, you may also come across someone who is SO annoyingly positive that it can make you feel as though your particular difficulties are trivial. It even may make you feel like a failure for not feeling as content in your own life.
If you know that an individual has just been through a tragic loss and he/she says any of the following phrases:
"Everything happens for a reason"
"I am grateful for the sorrows because it has shaped me into the person that I am"
"I wouldn't change anything about my life. The tragedies make me appreciate the happy moments so much more"
.... This can be perceived as brave and positive and indicative of a great attitude....
... This can also annoy the hell out of other people who are struggling to remain positive...
Quite often, pathologically positive people can be misunderstood. Others may doubt that the sentiments are genuine and not just a front... And pathologically negative people are sometimes perceived as whiners, who do not try hard enough to see the positives in life, and that they are also likely exaggerating their plights.
But here is something that most people may not admit.
Both perceptions are true.... At least to some extent.
Keeping a positive attitude doesn't mean that everything in that person's life is hunky-dory. Focusing on positive aspects of life takes work, dedication, and practice. The more you practice seeing the bright spots in life, the more you start to see them without trying. The same goes for negativity - the more you focus and, essentially practice, putting a negative spin on every situation, the more second-nature that negativity will become.
The truth is, every single person has a struggle that we know NOTHING about. Every single person also has something in his/her life worth celebrating. Like everything else, it is a balance. It is only possible to deny awful life experiences for so long... It is important to acknowledge your struggles, and it is imperative to allow yourself to grieve.
No one has a perfect life.
No one.
No matter how flawless a life is represented on Facebook or other social media platforms, we are all suffering in one way or another. The only complete story that we will ever know about is our OWN story.
Because of this, it is 100% pointless to compare our lives with the lives of others.
I mean, really, am I actually 'happy' that I got sick?
No.
Am I 'content' with constant doctors' appointments, terrible symptoms, and painful procedures?
Ummmmm... Definitely not.
If I had had a choice of several different paths of of life, would I have chosen this one?
I'm not sure...
If I could change the way my life has become - from a strictly medical perspective - and live my life as it is now, but without illness, would I take that opportunity?
You're damn straight I would.
But I can't.
So I choose to specifically look for the silver linings and enjoy the many things in life that I am truly thankful for, while working towards a future of - hopefully - less pain.
It takes will-power and dedication to stay positive. This does not mean that you should IGNORE the negatives in your life. Denial will only perpetuate false hope and a breakdown in our capability to overcome adversity. It is better to acknowledge the struggles, the pain, the suffering, and move through it all. Take a moment to realize that you are still alive and that you are still okay. Allow yourself to grieve and feel those negative emotions - anger, disappointment, jealousy, sadness, even depression - and then pick yourself up and start practicing changing your mindset to a more positive one.
And here is the best part - it is NEVER too late to start looking for the silver lining.
So this Thanksgiving - dig deeper into your conscious experience to find the tiniest parts of your life that you can feel genuinely grateful for. Especially aspects that you have no control over - such as a beautiful starry sky or how you feel after receiving a compliment.
And if you are sitting next to someone who seems (or claims) to really have life figured out, someone who seems thankful for absolutely EVERYTHING, including tragedies and horrible experiences, remember that it is likely bitter-sweet... And all he/she is likely trying to do is to practice being thankful - no matter how hard it may be for that individual.
Happy Thanksgiving
These are some of the things that I am grateful for this year:
- I have a close relationship with my parents, and I can tell them just about anything, without fear of judgement or abandonment.
- I have a brother, sister-in-law, and nephew who are genuinely kind people, who show unrelenting support and care, and I know that they would never purposely mistreat me (or anyone for that matter).
- I have found the person with whom I want to share my life.
- I have a furry four-legged companion who has gotten me through some of my toughest years, who is always happy to see me, and who has joined the above examples in teaching me what unconditional love really means.
- I have true friends who I can count on and who forgive my mistakes & help steer me to be a better person without judgement or condescension.
- I am thankful for a working mind, an independent spirit, learned life lessons, and consciousness.
- I am thankful for the fact that my last trip to the Emergency Room was December 10th of 2014. This is the longest that I have ever gone without some kind of severe episode requiring hospitalization.
- I am grateful for my life, for better or for worse.