We all have those moments when we are witnessing someone handle a nearly impossible situation and we think to ourselves: 'I don't know how he/she can handle that, I know I couldn't".
The truth is, all we know how to handle is our own personal situations... And you have NO idea how strong you are until you are forced to deal with something.
At times all I even have to do is reminisce on my time in high school and university. There were so many awful health problems going on at the time that I have no clue how I handled it. When I think about all of the symptoms and crises and trips to the hospital that I took, I am not sure how I would be able to handle it if it happened again. I sometimes think that I would not be ABLE to handle it if that all happened again.
I mean, how did I get through those seven months with an ileostomy during my senior year of high school? This major emergency abdominal surgery left me with a stoma and a bag and I had to learn how to live with it as if it were a normal part of teenage trials. How do you explain that to a 17 year old? And how does she explain it to the 18 year old boy she was dating? How do you explain something like that to your classmates who have literally JUST learned about how the digestive system actually works?
Perhaps the ostomy was 'easier' to handle because there was this hope that it would be temporary - and lucky enough for me, it was.
But what about the road trips for ten minute specialist appointments? What about the bloodwork twice a week during my high school lunch hour? What about the home catheters, severe bouts of pancreatitis, puking fits, and 17 pills a day? How do you convince yourself that it is all okay and that it is just how it is? How do you look into the mirror and convince your reflection that this life is normal?
I have no great tips on how to deal with any of this. I don't have all of the answers. I can't tell you what it takes to get through each and every day and keep a smile on your face. But what I can say is that you are SO much stronger than you might feel. Hopefully you will never have to answer the question of "what can I actually handle?"... but the truth is, you will never know your strength... You will never know how much pain you can tolerate until you have to tolerate it.
I am lucky enough to have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have not had the unfortunate circumstance of learning what poverty truly means. I am lucky.
But I had no idea how strong I could be at age 14 when I first got sick. I think of myself back then and I see a version of me that had to be so much stronger than I ever thought I could be.
Just remember that strength does not always have to come from within. Strength comes in swarms - strength from within, support from family, compassion and understanding from friends, and the backing of several acquaintances along the way (like teachers and family friends).
I hope you never have to find out the limits of your strength... but I also believe that, with the right frame of mind and the support of others, your strength - very literally - knows no bounds.