This week ended on a great note - thank goodness! For such a tough week, it was really nice to finish the week with some Christmas carols at the airport.
Along with the performance today, I also got to go back onto my regular medication dosage. This is a good thing, but also makes me feel a little uneasy... and confused as to how I should feel.
I am in less pain, absolutely. That deep burning sensation in my stomach, that incessant throbbing in my joints, and discomfort that completely prevented me from sleeping... These things are all improved with the medication.
So what is the confusion?
I also feel much more foggy and less like myself. It is just kind of this overall hazy feeling. My enthusiasm isn't quite as extreme and my thought processes have slowed. I am having issues with vocabulary and spelling. Everything is just a little muted....
It isn't like having blurry vision or impaired reflexes, and it doesn't cause dizzy spells or difficulty functioning, it just seems to slow everything down. I don't quite feel like a zombie, but I also don't feel as animated.
But when given the options, how do you choose between experiencing debilitating pain, and settling for less mental function and more of a hazy existence?
So I am very happy to be back on my pain medication, but a little unnerved at how much it changes how I feel - not just physically. Without it, I would not have been able to perform today. So it is worth it for now, I just wish there were more options. Maybe with further research and fundraisers and studies, they'll come out with new treatments or even a cure!! Could you imagine?
Lucky for me, I managed to feel well enough to sing today. And that was a great end to a tough week.
