One of the ugly realities about being chronically ill is that your body tends to make you stay home. I am not exactly known as someone who is antisocial. I am not very shy and I don't intend to curl up at home every night. I would love to go for coffee and go out for dinner or for drinks with friends on a regular basis... My body just cannot handle it.
My energy levels are brutal. Plus, my pain always increases significantly when I go and do basically anything. Even driving to and from a place where I am comfortable is taxing.
The truth is, I miss seeing my friends. But every time I make plans, they are ALWAYS tentative. I never know how I will be feeling the day of a pre-planned event. Not to mention all of the mandatory plans that fill up my schedule, which mainly includes doctor's appointments.
I am not trying to avoid anyone. I am not trying to be a downer. I am simply physically limited on how much entertainment I can handle... I have realized over the last three years that I can only plan one, maybe two, social engagements a week - on a good week. That gives me 52 potential opportunities for visits with friends... but here's the problem: depending on how amazing and enjoyable the visits are, I usually need a week to recuperate. So cut that in half -> 26. 26 opportunities each year to try and see all of my friends. And then, of course, some of them don't live in my city. So those road trips are usually jam packed and wind up requiring over a week of recuperation time.
I am also trying to stay busy and motivated by working on music, writing articles for a yoga magazine, modeling on occasion, and booking the odd gig. You can imagine how much energy all of that zaps out of me... but these are hobbies that I am truly passionate about. Everyone needs something in their lives that brings out that passion.
The sad thing is, I am having a very difficult time being social. I can only handle so much, and I always pay for it in the end.
This is one of the main reasons why I host food parties. That way, I can see several friends at once and then take a couple of weeks to rest.
I miss being social.
I miss seeing my friends on a regular and continuous basis.
I miss being able to meet up with people and play sports and go dancing and watch football with friends....
The fatigue associated with any illness doesn't just make you feel tired, it can make you choose between feeling decent most of the time but foregoing a social life, or going for visits with friends and feeling awful most of the time... trying to rest in between visits. And it isn't like I can skip appointments or compromise on my medical schedule just to have a social life.
The bottom line is that I hope my friends understand that I can't do everything. I would hope that they know that I WANT to see each and every one of my friends, but having enough time and energy and decent days makes it pretty tough. So I apologize if I sometimes seem like a bad friend... I am simply limited.