The scale of emotions isn't as simple as each emotion taking up a spot on a spectrum line. Emotions overlap. They overlap in endless combinations. You can have several different emotions from one incident and a completely different set at another.
For instance, going to get a colonoscopy makes me nervous, curious, frightened, sad, intrigued, frustrated, but also happy that the doctors are keeping an eye on my IBD. You cannot, however, deduce that feeling frightened and feeling happy are close together on the spectrum in order for them to be simultaneously felt.
This is not true.
There is no easy diagram to show how we feel several emotions at once.
And even worse than that, we don't always have control over how we react to any given situation.
I often start crying when I am really angry, so instead of raising my voice to get my point across, I tend to talk in a sobbing voice. What we do have some sort of control over is to choose which emotion we can make others perceive as dominant.
For example, if you see a snake while you are out for a walk, you might be feeling more frightened than any other emotion, but you can make sure that others perceive you as calm and curious and brave.
Or maybe you have been picked to represent your group in a presentation to a CEO of the company where you work. You are probably feeling pretty terrified and anxious, but also excited and honored. So which one would be perceived as the dominant emotion?
With my health concerns, I am feeling a colossal array of emotions. On a daily basis, I am feeling terrified, sad, defeated, frustrated, and even down right angry, but I am also feeling grateful that it is not worse, happy with my situation apart from my illness, fascinated with the science of chronic disease, motivated, as well as a list of other emotions.
It is my decision which emotion I focus on. I can let myself fall into a pattern of dominantly feeling angry and personally attacked, or I can fight and continually make myself focus on what I am blessed with in this life.
So how do you get there?
You practice!
Seeing positives in very tough situations is a struggle, but the more you practice, the more of a routine it becomes. Then it can go from being a routine to being second-nature. Then there may come a time where you don't have to specifically choose to feel a certain way - it will simply happen.
When can you start?
At any age, at any time, and for any reason. It's never too late to start focusing on the more positive emotions.
Don't get me wrong. This does not mean that those other emotions disappear. Trust me, they are still there, but they are tucked away and diminished. Also, don't get this confused with bottling up emotions. It is healthier to allow yourself to feel every emotion, but have enough self control to know when it is appropriate to physically show those emotions.
Believe me, along with feeling content and accomplished and excited and grateful, I am also feeling resentful, absolutely angry, frustrated, confused, defeated, abandoned (by some parts of the healthcare system), and bullied by my own body.
All of those negative emotions are there, but every day I practice trying to see my situation in a more positive light. It takes work, it takes dedication, and it takes practice, and you will fail from time to time. But the more you practice, the more you will truly feel it - the more you will genuinely believe it.
So try to really pinpoint all of the various emotions you are feeling in a certain situation, and then try to focus your mind on the most positive or most mildly negative of those feelings. Say it out loud. Write it down. Post it on Facebook or Twitter. Just get that thought out there in the Universe.
I once had a professor who also used to say: "Practice makes permanent". So practice seeing the bright side and it will eventually come naturally, but you have to work at it.