I would like to discuss something very serious.
With new legislation and protocols, people have been applying for assisted deaths all over the country. The main criteria, as far as I understand, requires that the patient suffer from an incurable disease that presents a "foreseeable natural death" from said disease, as well as the absence of mental health issues that can indicate irrational decision-making tendencies. It also states that the average age has been 67 years old.
So how does someone get to that point? And what can you do to help someone who might be in that state of mind?
The truth is, in my darkest times, this is something I have thought of. In those times, had assisted-suicide been available, I very well may have considered it. I am not proud of those thoughts, but neither am I ashamed. I just wanted the pain to end, even if that meant me going with it.
Experiencing any illness is difficult. Experiencing an incurable disease is even more so. Suffering from several incurable diseases is a life-long battle of management.
So why are some chronically ill patients coping better than others? What was I doing in those dark times that is different from what I do when I am coping well?
The first thing is support. When you feel as though you could be in danger of losing your life to illness, the last thing you need is for health professionals to trivialize your suffering, or deny its existence completely. When no one believes you, things can seem hopeless.
During those dark times, there was a significant decline in support from parts of the medical community. I was also without proper advocacy from health professionals who could make a difference. Luckily, I had my peer and family support system to turn to, and eventually found healthcare professionals who substantiated my issues (with some help from other health professionals who I reached out to or who reached out to me). In fact, one of the most crucial moments within the last three years is when I met with an Occupational Therapist who got me in to an Urgent Care specialist. In addition to that, I had an incredibly wonderful friend make some phone calls and referrals to get me the proper family physician care that I so desperately needed, as well as a providing a handful of other supportive gestures, for which I am eternally grateful.
The second most detrimental factor in those dark times was that I kept thinking of the entire picture.
I have fought so incredibly hard for over 15 years... So, in those moments, I just could not fathom fighting this hard, every single day, for potentially 50 MORE years (give or take). Some days I am pretty optimistic, but there are many days where it feels like I am just barely getting by.
The best solution, for me, is to take everything in day by day, even hour by hour at times.
And it is truly amazing what people can cope with by living day by day and trying not to think about a possibly daunting future of more health complications. Focusing on good moments that happen each day will help me get to the next one, no matter how daunting. In addition, planning something in the future to look forward to can help get through a painful present.
A third risk-factor is that most people who are ill feel like they are a burden to their loved ones. We see the money being spent, the time being spent, the canceled plans, the extra care, the compromises and hospital visits and particular needs and sacrifices - it is tough on everyone around us. They may not be able to feel our pain, but they suffer too. The guilt from knowing all of this can become far more than one person can handle.
But the truth is, not one of your true friends will ever describe you as a burden. Not one. Sometimes it can help to have a very candid and open discussion about this. It won't be easy and people surrounding you may admit some annoyance or sadness about the negative aspects of loving someone who is forever ill, but your loved ones will always prefer to have you around and alive and able to make memories, even if only from your bedside.
I promised myself that I will ALWAYS fight. That I will always do my very best to take things in stride and deal with one problem at a time, one day at a time.
Without experiencing these types of personal struggles first-hand, we are incapable of comprehending how assisted death may seem like a positive option - or the only way out. Especially for those who believe in an afterlife.... because living with God in paradise can definitely be seen as a better alternative to monumental suffering here on Earth. And is it not possible that God would forgive someone for wanting a better existence?
At least that is what went through my mind when I was at my absolute worst. Which, ironically, occured months before I ever became ill. The one time in my life where I seriously considered taking my own life had nothing to do with illness, and everything to do with bullying.
I am not perfect, so I know that there were a few people I could have treated better, by all means, but to be emotionally and mentally bullied for years is something you can never fully put behind you. It sticks with you, for life.
At that time, I received the care and support that I needed, and was therefore in a stronger mental state to start handling all of the demons that come with chronic illness.
I am now at the point, and have been for quite a while, where I absolutely want to live a long and full life - illness and all. Even if I am in a situation where I am kept alive only by machines, if there is ANY possibility that my soul can be reached and brought back to live this earthly life, I want to be kept alive.
With that said, everyone has their limits, and who are we to judge the executive decision of someone who can no longer take any more suffering?