Tonight I had the privilege of reading a well-written article concerning the most commonly admitted regrets people have who are literally on their deathbeds.
The article is here:
http://upliftconnect.com/regrets-of-the-dying/
The one issue from the article that I would like to discuss is the following:
The discussion was about actually following one's dreams instead of postponing them for illogical reasons. It has been confessed that most people realize that they have not fulfilled even a fraction of the dreams that they had set out to conquer.
Then this is what is said:
"From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it."
This is so staggeringly true that, immediately after reading those two phrases, I burst into tears. One little sentiment had me sobbing.
BUT
There is an UPSIDE to this.
My dreams have had to change. I have had to adapt my dreams over and over and over again as my health continued (and still continues) to decline. There are simply things that I absolutely cannot do anymore.
For one, my traveling dreams have had to change. Instead of being able to live and work in Europe, I decided that I COULD, physically and financially, take a three-week vacation in Europe, first on a cruise and then backpacking twice, over the course of three years. Then my ability to travel was hindered. There are so many health-related safety concerns with traveling. So now I can image being capable of taking short vacations locally. There is a CHANCE I could travel out of country, but that may not be feasible. So instead of a year long cooking tour in France and Italy, my new dream is to find somewhere in Canada or even just in Alberta where I can have a blissful vacation within the next five years.
Second, my music 'career' dreams have had to change. I always pictured traveling to seriously work on my music... maybe travel to Nashville or try my hand at musical theater and Broadway. I have always wanted to be known for my music. But since my health is far more of an obstacle than I could have anticipated, I have to go about it in a VERY different way. I cannot tour. I cannot gig more than once every few months, and I cannot gig for more than three hours at a time. I cannot lug around musical equipment to gigs by myself or to open mic nights, I cannot commit fully to any group or venture because my health is so incredibly unpredictable. I cannot teach. I do not have the finances to release polished albums. So INSTEAD, I publish cover and original songs on YouTube, I sing for weddings and funerals, and I sing as much as I can on a partially volunteer basis. My goal is still to be known for my music, but my dream is on a much smaller scale.
Three - I absolutely LOVED school. I would have been a career student if finances and health would have allowed. I had planned on tackling my undergraduate degree, then pursuing at LEAST one Master's degree and possibly even a Ph.D.
Well, once I finished my double-major undergrad, I was too old to continue to be covered by the health plan of my folks... and the health coverage offered by the school and Blue Cross was not enough for me to live a relatively normal life. If I was going to move out of the basement suite in the house of my parents, I would need to find a job with good benefits. My dream had originally been to become a professional student. My dream changed to wanting to find employment that offered decent benefits and a backup plan for if my health worsened... which it did, evidently.
Fourth - Family.
As I have mentioned several times throughout this blog page, I had always dreamt of having kids. I know this may sound specific, but I had hoped to find my perfect man, get married, get a house, raise at least two children, whose names would each start with the first letter of my name or my husband's name... and if I had a girl (or adopted a girl or had a surrogate pregnancy deliver a girl) her name was to be Kiana.
My dreams changed when I was told I could not bear children. That's when I seriously considered adoption or surrogacy. Then my health worsened, and worsened, and my energy levels were completely depleted, and it all became so unpredictable that I could not fathom being able to be the mom I wanted to be. Raising kids was a dream that was slowly nudged right off the table.
So my dream changed to being a puppy mum, and to *hopefully* be a really great Auntie to my amazing, clever, intelligent, and fascinating young nephew.
Once I redistributed my dreams of being a mother, I scoured rescue organizations in three provinces to find my perfect fur-baby... and I found him four months later. And he is absolutely perfect.
What is really cool about all of this? My smaller dreams have all come true.
I successfully completed post-secondary education.
My music repertoire, experience, and performances have increased and improved in ways I could not have predicted.
I am a mum to an amazing pooch.
I have learned to love the incredible getaway spots locally.
I have found the love of my life.
I was able to work and travel and have those experiences before I lost most of my energy.
So yes, when you lose your health, you do lose many freedoms that we have all taken for granted at some point. We have to forgive and let go and move on, and we have to change our dreams to better reflect our capabilities, but there are always new paths to be explored that still make it all worthwhile.
Failing health doesn't have to crush your dreams... but it does redirect them.