Okay...
I know these are completely #FirstWorldProblems and I should just suck it up, it is NOT a huge deal, but it is to me at the moment, so I am going to indulge myself in a little self-pity.
If you have been reading, you already know that I have a disease called Hereditary Angioedema, which causes extreme body swelling from the internal organs to my entire body. The whole damn thing.
I am currently on NO treatment for my HAE, and I am on a necessary medication that happens to exacerbate the HAE. So I cannot stop taking the latter... but I am without treatment, so I just keep swelling and swelling and swelling. (It is either HAE or another hormonal issue).
I *could* go into the ER and get an infusion, but the swelling is affecting only my outward body, is not causing pain, and is not life-threatening (does not include my throat or any drastic facial swelling). So how could I justify going in?
'Hey yeah I came to the Emergency Room because the Rare Blood and Bleeding Disorders Clinic is slammed and I feel like a frickin WHALE, so give me emergency treatment to satisfy my vanity'.... yeah that would not go over so well.
Part of the reason I am SO frustrated is because weight loss, in general, has been fairly straightforward. As long as my Thyroid is stable and I eat well and exercise, I can usually lose several pounds within weeks (if not days). Of course, when I eat like crap or lose my ability to be active, I am gonna gain some, but my fluctuations usually go from size 4 to size 8 at the most.
There have been times I have gone to the extremities, but they have never been under my control. Times I have been underweight have been because of wrong dosage of medication or severe Crohn's flares, and times I have been overweight have been related to wrong dosage of medication or being on Prednisone.
Right now, I have been sticking to eating WELL - eating the proper foods and sticking to a rigid 1000-1200 calorie-a-day intake. This includes veggies, fruits, grains, healthy choices (mostly)!! Not just that, but I have been able to be more active than I was for several years! This has been going on for MONTHS now. Riding my cruiser once in a while, walking around more (even with my cane), walking on the treadmill, doing yoga, crunches, squats, stairs.... I do something active at least 3 times a week. Yes it is only 10-20 minutes, but that is more than I have been able to do in years.
And yet I KEEP gaining weight. I KEEP expanding.
So today I bit the bullet. I finally went out to find myself a couple pairs of pants - that are not leggings - that fit. A pair I feel good and confident in.
A size thirty-freaking-four.
Not just that, but my BRA size is insane!!
For most of my life I have been a 34B-34C. Got to 32A during my size zero thyroid medication malfunction, and the Prednisone size got to 34D. But NEVER 36 or 38 anything - until this year. I was at 36B right after surgery, now I am at 38C-D from all the damn swelling.
And hey - if it was JUST my bra size swelling - I would have no qualms. In fact, it is kind of nice having a little extra in that area, especially for free and without surgical intervention.
But it's not.
It's my stomach and my ass and my thighs and my arms and it is RIDICULOUS!!
So I bought two pairs of good quality size 34 jeans and five bras that *actually* fit right now.
And as nice as it is to get new stuff, this is NOT what I wanted to spend my money on.
Okay, rant over.
<sigh>
Small problems. Not my fault. Not in my control. Ryan loves me no matter what. Big breath and PURGE my closet.
Now to take everything out of my closet that does not fit and put it away in a box so I don't have the reminder that none of it fits every single day.