One of my absolute favourite quotes from an incredible movie called If I Stay is all about the torment of being faced with tough decisions - even good ones.
"You're going to go to Juilliard and play the hell out of your cello, or you're not. You're going to stay with Adam and have lots of amazing adventures, or you're not.... Life is this big fat gigantic stinking mess, but that's the beauty of it too....
Either way you win, but also either way there's something that you lose."
- the mom in If I Stay
It perfectly sums up the beauty of every choice. Every choice has benefits and every choice has risks. It is up to each individual to come up with the decision that seems right, hope for the best, and go from there. Then, that's when being able to see the bright side of things can come in handy.
We all have super tough choices to make in our lifetimes. Most people experience a handful of choices that are so intense you feel completely torn in half... pulled in each direction and dreading both all the same. There are always people who have had to make more difficult choices than you, and there will always be others that will rarely have to make any life-altering decision.
You take it as it comes.
You make the best decision that is right for you at the time and with the information that you have. And the only thing you can do better is to consciously decide to look at all of the positives of your decision and focus on those. Then, maybe, you can even find a way to fix the negatives.
I have experienced quite a few of these choices - some riskier than others.
Since age 14: Trying medications, feeling like a guinea pig, trying natural remedies with the same guinea pig feeling...
Grade 10 & 12: Having to quit volleyball due to abdominal surgery...
High School: Having homework sent to me at home or in the hospital so that I could graduate from high school...
High School & Junior High: Still participating in extra curricular activities, instead of curling up in a ball and giving up like I wanted to at times...
Age18: Enrolling in University, taking a break from physical classes by doing some courses online, taking Summer courses to decrease my school-year workload, pushing myself to graduate...
Age 21: Going traveling during University...
Age 24: Moving away from home and living alone...
Age 25: Adopting a puppy...
Age 26: Fighting with myself back and forth trying to keep a full-time job, wanting to still be working, but suffering terribly in the meantime. Trying to make it work by sacrificing my health...
Age 26: Quitting volleyball, softball, snowboarding, etc...
Ages 26, 27, 29, 31: Turning down my dream job - more than once - due to physical limitations...
Age 27: Deciding whether or not to raise children...
Age 29: Giving up to waste away at home, or fight to find a doctor who will do whatever he can to figure out what is wrong? Continuing to need an ambulance and visits to the ER all the time or pushing for someone to get to the root of the problem?...
Age 30: Actually purchasing a home or finding a place to rent? Jumping in and making a long-term investment or waiting? Choosing between a few home options?...
Age 30: Figuring out if pelvic surgery would be the best option or to simply relent and accept the forever pain as something that can't be changed...
Age 31: How to marry the love of my life - do I dare fulfill a lifelong dream and celebrate this new amazing step the way that we want to, with what we can afford? Do we celebrate our marriage with the type of wedding everyone deserves, or do we elope at the courthouse for a fraction of the cost? Do we attempt to please others by giving up on details we are working so hard to bring to life? Do we allow ourselves to enjoy every moment of this marriage process? Or do we focus on the dollar signs and ignore our own wishes and attainable dreams? All those years of saving while I could work - my own personal wedding fund - do I put that money where I had planned to put it for years and years, or do I use it somewhere else instead?
Age 31: Pushing to receive a treatment that very obviously, and consistently, has helped immensely? Or continuing to go without treatment at home because of some political correctness between physicians?
... but always ...
Give in, give up, curl up and let disease take away my spirit?
Or
Fight it, work with it, compromise with it, and refuse to let it take away the best parts of my life? Refuse to let it ruin the most important moments and decisions in my life?
I think I'll take the latter.
Most things in life don't come easy... but I am willing to work for the dreams and the moments and the life that I love.