This week I was able to do a little bit of singing, and I realized something really interesting.
When I was in university, I did a combined degree in Music and Psychology - with Vocal Performance as my focus in music. Something used to happen every single time I performed in front the faculty or the entire music program - my throat would be really sore and felt almost constricted. I always had to adjust the physical way I sang last minute before performing.
Now, at the time, I was on and off of biologics (which, essentially, cause never-ending throat and chest infections) so I thought it was simply a product of medication side effects OR rehearsing too much that my throat became raw (or just plain stage fright or nervousness). I also have always had issues with nausea and vomiting, so sometimes I thought it was simply from the acidity always affecting my throat. Plus, after issues with an MRCP, endoscopy, and NG tube, some of my vocal cords were damaged and prevented me from singing specific notes. Whatever the case, every single time I was incredibly nervous for a performance, my voice would not quite work the way I wanted it to. It felt less open (which in opera is vital), and almost constricted - like I couldn't quite get the right sound out.
That sounds like people would notice something was wrong - but it rarely affected the actual sound. It only seemed to affect how it FELT to sing and how much harder I had to work to get the volume and depth of sound I wanted... so I did well in school because it was more of an internal struggle.
Well, I was able to do some singing last night, and I was a lot more nervous about it than usual (different circumstances and new challenges), and all day I found that my voice just was not working the way it usually does. My voice felt scratchy and constricted and just not very open. I attributed it to a lack of sleep, but no amount of tea or soup or lemon or warmth or hot liquid would soothe it. That scratchiness and lack of openness lasted all the way until this afternoon...
... after my HAE medication. After my throat was opened FOR me by my injection this morning.
There's no proof obviously, but it makes me wonder if that is what was happening all along! If that tight feeling in my throat, that feeling that blocked my voice from coming out in all its strength - was actually my throat very literally swelling, all because of stress and nervousness.
It makes me want to do an injection right before performing some of those incredible classical songs and arias, and see if it makes a difference. How incredible would that have felt if I had been diagnosed and treated while I was doing my degree. That ability to access ALL of the air in my lungs... and get all of that sound out from my vocal cords.
There is no way to know for sure, but an interesting concept.