I had this amazing professor in University. He was my professor for my Spanish class as well as for my Swing, Latin, and Hip Hop Dance Class.
He had this saying that resonated with people: "Practice Makes Permanent".
First of all, no one is ever perfect at anything. There is always room for improvement and room to learn more. More than that though is how you practice is how you will perform. How you practice is how you will remember.
He was using it in the sense of salsa dance steps. Let's say you spend half an hour practicing your steps every day - that's, what, approximately 100 times? (Rough estimation). So 100 times a day for a week - well - if you happen to be practicing it wrong, you have just taught your muscles to perform the wrong steps just under a thousand times.
I bring this up because I had to fill out a form today that was surveying my experience at a clinic that deals with chronic pain patients. I remember those classes and although the information was useful, I found myself more angry and more depressed after going to a group class. Why? Because I was surrounded by other people in pain who were pissed off and frustrated and negative about everything in their life. Not everyone was like this, but many people were. And each and every one of them was justified in being angry. They all suffered greatly - their bodies malfunctioned, they were in an accident, they have serious illness, they have nerve damage, they have permanent disability from an infection that was supposed to be temporary - these are all people who felt like they were wronged in some way. They have no control over their bodies, and that is extraordinarily frustrating.
Here's the problem. If you say negative things and vocalize how angry you are several hundred times a day, it becomes less of a feeling and more of an attitude.
I am guilty of it. I fall into it, like any of us do. But this is the very reason I started this blog. Trying to find a light side to every situation - no matter how bleak - starts off as a job or a goal, then it turns into a habit, and then it can turn into an attitude. Practice makes permanent. The more you look on the bright side, the more you acknowledge that things are not that bad, the more you say to yourself that you will get through it, the more you vocalize your appreciation for any small positive thing, the more it becomes a part of who you are instead of just something you are trying to do.
It's not easy. I will never say that it is easy. Some days I don't even bother - because sometimes you need to just sit in the dark and cry all day.
But if you can make that a once-in-a-while thing, you've won.
Today I had one of those days where I stayed in bed for the most part, cuddled with my puppy, and cried all day.
But then I watched a chick flick... and I realize how lucky I am to be ABLE to just lie in bed all day and not have to deal with any negative consequences. That tonight I get to hang out with an amazing and patient man, and then listen to spa music as a recollect myself while he goes out to play pool. I have had people check on me today after reading my earlier blog... and I spent some time outside giggling as I watched my puppy chase a muddy tennis ball.
If I make myself write a paragraph like the previous one every single day, then things don't seem so bleak.
So try it. Keep trying it. Maybe you'll notice a change. You don't have to ignore the fact that certain things are bad - certain things ARE bad. Just acknowledge one thing, every day, that's good.
And if every little thing is shitty and you are losing everything and everyone and you are alone and have nowhere to turn... then take a short walk at sunset and marvel at the wonders of life that you don't have to change, or worry about, or control, or anything. Take a look at that sun setting and the mountains it is setting behind and remember that there are even BIGGER things in this world that are so far away from you that you just don't need to think about.