Oh man.
Yesterday was the worst day of an expected crash.
On Sunday I got to sing on an outdoor stage for the popup shops and food trucks set up at East Village Junction for the summer. What an incredible honour and experience.
Let me just say that these types of shows are always worth the aftermath.
For a long time, singing on stage with a rock band was worth the aftermath... until the crash afterwards started lasting longer than a month - when I could not manage to do anything else.
For me, I guess, that's the line. I want to be able to do what I love... but not have it be the only thing I can do.
I want to be able to sing once in a while... but then be able to recuperate enough to take my puppy for a short walk, water all of my flowers in our garden, or go for dinner on a date night. I love love love my musical life, but I also love a little variety.
The type of show I got to perform on Sunday is exactly the kind I have always wished for, hoped for, and worked towards. Background music - asked for by a local art gallery - where any and all of my music is appropriate.
Of course I can't load my own equipment anymore. That always jabs me right in the heart. I used to be able to lug my keyboard around with me at any time... along with the sound system and extra pieces. Now I have to rely on others to help me load and unload the equipment.
At least I can still handle the cords and system by myself - handling the sound is one of the only background pieces I can still do on my own.
But once I get all set up (and we are able to get the sound system working properly), I just sit there and get sing my favourite tunes.
Desperado, Boston, City of Stars, Come Away With Me, Violin, some Beatles for my dad, some Roch Voisine and Coeur de Pirate, plus some of my own original tunes. Once I am warmed up and not so nervous (this particular show made me super nervous), it feels like I am simply sitting at home playing my favourite songs.
What a feeling!!
Of course, once I was finished, I was finished.
I felt like a zombie.
That night I went to bed super early, and same with the next night. The first day after the show wasn't actually too bad. I was not in good shape, but it also wasn't terrible. I was able to do a little research on some of the latest popular country tunes for when I sing again next month.
But then the second day after singing is when it hit me... that delayed reaction, just like a workout. Oh man.
Yesterday felt as if my entire body was made of acid and that acid was pooling and running through every vein. Burning me from the inside out. Extending through every limb and extremity, centralized in my guts. All of my symptoms crashed into one huge mass. Inflammation, urgency, incontinence, burning pain everywhere, migraine, grinding teeth, sore throat and chest, weakness, shakiness, dizziness, and nausea.
I was on the verge of crying for the entire day.
Then overnight again was an issue - several bathroom breaks, hot flashes, and excessive teeth grinding - which causes its own severe headaches... the ones that are more than headaches but not quite migraines...
Luckily, the third day isn't quite as bad, and is a little more easily masked by medication. The second day is just a crash I have to grit my teeth and bear (hence the subconscious heavy teeth grinding). The third day and the following couple of weeks are easier to handle because my medication can mask a little bit of it. I mean, I won't be leaving my bedroom much or eating properly for at least another two weeks, but at least I am not crying all day just from my acid-filled veins and unstoppable inflammatory rage.
It still feels like acid is pooled in my stomach... but it is less burn-y and feels more like a flu.
Yesterday being a treatment day also helps my recovery - less chance of experiencing a severe intestinal swelling episode.
Fingers crossed.
The great part though?
Singing, to me, is worth it.
Being able to sing on a stage that has been used for artists like Paul Brandt is worth the aftermath.
And I hope that I always feel this way about singing and playing piano. I hope it always feels worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment