I Am Not My Illness

I am not my illness.
Not just my illness, anyways.

This blog is primarily about my illnesses and navigating through life with chronic illness and constant pain and continuous inflammation - and although it may be a large part of my life, it is not the only part of my life.

It's true that sometimes my illness takes over certain conversations. It can take over entire days. But overall, having illness is simply a part of who I am.
Like having a job. Sure, my 'job' is a 24 hour a day gig that requires energy and time and research, but it is simply something in my life. It does not define who I am.

I am also a wife. I am a dog lover. I am a singer. I am someone who loves the outdoors and loves kayaking. I enjoy yoga - both as a way to keep my joints moving and as something I simply enjoy. I take lots and lots of pictures. I am obsessed with being in the mountains. I am obsessed with water. I like getting dolled up (even for a trip to the grocery store). I love writing. I love reading. I now like painting. I love flowers. I love playing board games (Boggle in particular). I used to collect stuffed animals. I used to collect shoes. I used to make little beaded animals. I LOVED school and learning. I have interests and hobbies that are entirely separate from the parts of me that are 'diseased'.
I am not defined by it. I don't feel like illness has 'screwed up my life' - it has forced me in surprising directions, but it has not screwed up my life. At all. In many ways it has enhanced it.. I don't feel angered by it (at least not the majority of the time). I do not watch only movies about illness. I do not read only books about illness. Just because it is difficult for me to walk stairs does not mean that I expect not to ever have to walk them. Just because I am in the least pain while lying in bed does not mean I won't go see friends at other houses or go places where I know I will be uncomfortable. Discomfort for the sake of enjoyable conversations and socializations are well worth the days of recuperation. I may conceal the severity of my pain, I may power through pain if the situation calls for it, and I may even lie about how much pain I am truly in - especially if I need to help someone else or if there is nothing that can be done to help. I cannot and do not expect the world to entirely cater to my odd needs.
We can all do better to provide better accessibility and to be kinder to one another, but none of that is an overnight thing.

Illness is a part of me.
It may dictate some things, but not my entire life. Not every direction. Not every decision. I have an entire life - as complex and as full as the next person. Friendships, relationships, loves, a full history, passions, habits (yes some bad ones), and hobbies. I am still exactly the same person - just a little sick. (Okay maybe a lot sick).

This full life with an entire vocabulary of interests is something I truly cherish.