Dignity

How do you describe dignity?

Many people view illnesses as stripping a person of his/her dignity. Specific symptoms, especially ones like incontinence, weakness to the point of requiring help in the washroom, shaking hands that prevent someone from dressing/feeding themselves, and major loss of memory, are all lumped into this idea that there is a loss of dignity that comes with these symptoms.

We hear all the time about 'dying with dignity'. About choosing how we suffer before death.

So what is dignity to you?

Two of the definitions of dignity include:

the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.

a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect.

What makes us 'worthy of honor or respect'?
Is it being able to go to the washroom by ourselves? Is it knowing the faces around us? Is it being able to talk, walk, dress, or exist independently? Does one case of incontinence determine our worth?

While many symptoms can be embarrassing, and while there is judgement from some individuals about allowing our bodies to fail (like there is a way we can prevent that entirely?), being worthy of honor or respect has nothing to do with bodily functions.

I have had issues, on and off, with incontinence since I was 14 years old. Already bullied in junior high and then in high school (moderately), then diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, which forced me to race to the washroom 15 or more times every day, I had accidents. I missed school. My stomach made awful noises that couldn't be muffled. Then I had an ileostomy bag in my senior year - a bag that leaked frequently because I was allergic to the adhesive. I could not shower or bathe properly more than once every 5 days. Again, I had accidents. I was dating someone and leaked on him various times. I required help changing my bag once in a while. I was in theatre and did quick-changes in front of the entire cast. Sometimes it would smell awful and I was stuck somewhere and could not deal with it.
I have taken ambulance rides, blood spewing out of every orifice. I have had vomiting fits, incontinence, and I have required help from family or friends to get through these situations.
I have required help to shower. I have required help to get dressed. I have had to send friends, family, and even my husband, to go find or buy me new underwear if I had had an issue in public. I require help walking, or need someone to push me in my wheelchair. I have been cleaned up by nurses, examined everywhere by doctors, and have had strange symptoms.
I have needed help knowing if what I was seeing or hearing was real or a hallucination. I have had several episodes of hallucinating in front of friends and loved ones.

I have had so many embarrassing symptoms it is tough to keep track. When strangers say the words:
"I would want to die with dignity before ever experiencing _______________", you can bet some of those phrases include symptoms I have had since I was a teenager.

So have I lost all dignity?
Not. even. close.

Yes, I become embarrassed a lot of the time. I would rather be more independent and not require so much help. I would rather not have to worry about specific medical issues, but it is not in my control. What IS in my control is how I carry myself regardless of what my body is doing. I can control my attitude, my smile, my general outlook on life, and how I treat people. While we all falter at times on those qualifications, they are far more important.

It is not dignified to be 100% healthy.
That is simply a mixture of hard work, good genes, and luck.
Having a body that does not do anything embarrassing is not having dignity. How would anyone grow old?
Going through life in a proud and grateful manner while also experiencing embarrassing symptoms is what I would call dignity.

I understand the desire for dying 'early' in extraordinary cases. I understand wanting to die as yourself, and not as this fraction of who you were because a disease has taken everything. I understand wanting to skip the most torturous parts of terminal illness, to choose to die peacefully rather than writhing in pain.
I simply would not call that dying with dignity. I would call it dying with peace.

Living with dignity is the true goal.

To live with dignity and to die with peace.
That is something to strive and to hope for.