Through this blog, I have been able to share and document my real struggles with illness, while highlighting the unexpected benefits. Life with chronic illness will always be difficult, with disheartening lows, but also really blissful highs.
I have tried to provide hope in tandem with real (and real time) medical information.
One of my main struggles has always been (and will likely continue to be) sleep.
I have a terrible time getting decent sleep, due to a variety of issues (including hypnagogia, sleep apnea, a variety of sleep disturbances like false awakenings & sleep paralysis, insomnia, and more...)
My next project focuses on those sleep disturbances and how they might affect my psyche.
I give you:
(A podcast)
*LISTENER DISCRETION IS ADVISED*
This podcast is an episodic narration of some of my most disturbing (and often traumatic) nightmares. It is for adult audiences only, as it contains descriptions of violence, gore, demonic possession, and more.
Since I first became ill, at age 14, I have experienced severe sleep disturbances and horrific nightmares. I'm not talking about monstrously large spiders or ghosts in the closet. No. Almost every single night, someone dies in my dreams, or is being hunted, or possessed. The graphic imagery that I see in my nightmares is often gruesome, and violent.
In contrast, one of the most unique aspects of this issue is that the more often that I watch horror flicks, the less likely my dreams will be violent. It's like the violence needs to be projected out into a fictional movie, or my brain will take it upon itself to present my own feature horror film while I'm sleeping.
Of course, I do have the occasional 'normal' dream or nightmare, and I will share those too. My favourites include "Chad": my husband's dreamscape alter ego, and some random hallucinations.
With chronic illness, there are lighter sides to the struggle and many darker sides. These nightmares represent my darkest.
Listener beware, my subconscious mind can be pretty horrific, but I'm offering you the key. Will you open the door?